


Smiling At Me From Your Front Porch

by frontporchsmile



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-02 02:24:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 40,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16296476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frontporchsmile/pseuds/frontporchsmile
Summary: Waverly's finally in university with her sister, and she couldn't be more excited. She'll finally get to live away from home and understand all of Wynonna and her friends' inside jokes. She's eager to study history and as many languages as possible, but university comes with many distractions, and Wynonna's best friend, Nicole, might just be Waverly's biggest distraction yet.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first WayHaught AU, and my first ao3 writing, so please be kind! I really just write because I love to, I love WayHaught, and I love reading others' works. I hope some of you enjoy! Don't hesitate to leave comments, requests, or suggestions! I'd love to hear from some of you :)

My childhood hasn't always been the cheeriest, and that's something no one will deny. Despite that fact, I've always tried to be the happiest person I can possibly be. My mom left us when I was still a baby, and before my fifth birthday, my father and oldest sister, Willa were killed in a car accident. Honestly, Willa made most of my childhood a living nightmare, but her constant torment did make Wynonna and me closer. Our aunt raised us after we lost both of our parents. Since elementary school, Wynonna and I have been all each other has.

Well... Wynonna has been all I have. She's always been better at the whole lone wolf thing, and of course, she's always had Nicole. Nicole, the bane of my existence. She was Wynonna's best friend all through elementary school and junior high before she moved to the next town over. Still, every weekend and every summer, Wynonna and Nicole would spend all of their time together, leaving me to help our aunt run Shorty's bar and restaurant. I wanted to like Nicole. I wanted her to like me. I wanted us all to be friends, but honestly she just rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe I was just jealous of all the attention my sister gave her. I can remember banging on Wynonna's bedroom door and begging to join in with their games or gossip, but they hardly ever let me. Sometimes our aunt would make Wynonna include me, and other times Wynonna would feel guilty and let me in, but even then, I was only allowed to watch. Nicole always seemed so smug when we were younger. I knew that she was an only child, so maybe she just didn't understand how to treat younger siblings, but she was never kind to me. Despite my childhood memories, I was determined to make college as fun as possible, even if that meant putting up with Nicole. I would finally get to be with Wynonna again, living in the same apartment and going to the same university. Even though she wouldn't live with us, I was sure that Nicole would be around, but maybe this would be our opportunity to get to know one another better.

"Waverly! Are you packed?" Wynonna called up the stairs.

"Pretty much! I'll be down in a minute."

I threw the last of my toiletries in my smaller duffel bag and picked up my huge suitcase. My trunk was already in Wynonna's car. My boots thudded with each step, alerting my aunt and Wynonna that it was time to go. We were going to need to leave soon in order to stop by the book store and get some supplies for our classes. 

"Let's go let's go!" Wynonna cheered, lifting her arms in some sort of fake cheering motion. 

I got an academic scholarship to college, but it only covered 2/3 of the cost, so the rest of the cost had to be covered with a sports scholarship. This meant that I would be cheering in college, something I wasn't super excited about. I liked cheering, mostly because I liked doing all the stunts and staying in shape, but I was never a huge fan of the other girls. I was also not a big fan of how people looked at me when I cheered. People always seemed to treat me like I was stupid because I cheered, but what they didn't know was that I spent ours studying, I was fluent in four languages, and I had the highest scores in my high school. Sometimes it's difficult for people to see past the short skirt, I guess. 

"You both are all set?" my aunt asked from the kitchen doorway. 

She was worrying about us on our own. Wynonna was a little better at being on her own, but I could tell that my aunt was nervous for me. 

"We are all set. Plus, we won't be far away. Don't worry, I'll look out for Waverly."

Wynonna rested her arm on my shoulder and kissed the side of my head before pulling my out of the house and dragging me down the front walkway. Wynonna and I had been through more trauma than most people can say. Because of that, we relied on each other way more than most sisters would. She was the person I went to with all of my problems and worries. She held my hand during our father's and Willa's funeral, she walked me to school every day, and she read books with me before bed when our aunt had to work late. Wynonna was my idol and my best friend, and I knew that she felt the same love for me. Strangely enough, we were kind of polar opposites. Wynonna was almost always sarcastic and had a knack for dark humor. I, on the other hand, was constantly trying to make other people happy with my own positive energy. Somehow, though, we made it work. We were the peanut butter to each other's jelly, the yin to each other's yang, the powdered sugar to each other's doughnut, the... you get the picture. We were everything to one another, and I couldn't imagine a world without her. 

"Off to university we go!" I said, grinning at Wynonna the whole time. 

"I don't know why you're so excited about more school work, baby girl."

I sat down next to Wynonna in the passenger's seat. 

"I'm excited to be leaving Purgatory. You do realize this is my first time outside of the town limits." 

"Well, that is something to be excited about. Plus, you are Waverly Earp, so you'll probably be top of your class from start to finish and tutoring all of your classmates on the side."

"I'm probably the one who's going to need tutoring," I said rolling my eyes. 

"Always the humble one."

Wynonna didn't get perfect grades, but she was naturally intelligent without needing to study. She was a senior, finishing a degree in criminal justice. Nicole was too. Both of them wanted to go into law enforcement or investigation. I was the odd one out. I wanted to major in history or linguistics, and I had no idea what I wanted to do with either of those subjects. My biggest fear was that I would spend the rest of my life behind the bar at Shorty's. No, no, nope I wasn't going to think about that. I took a deep breath. This was going to be my clean slate. I was going to start over. Maybe I would meet someone, maybe I would get some sort of job, maybe I would travel far away. I needed to find something or someone or someplace new. 

"Thanks for visiting Purgatory," Wynonna said. 

I looked up just in time to see the town sign flash by my window. This was going to be the start of something totally new, and my stomach filled with those nervous butterflies. I needed everything to work out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And in walks Nicole...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry these first few chapters are short. Bare with me :)

To say that university was difficult would be a huge understatement. I already hated moving, so putting all of my stuff away in Wynonna's tiny, messy apartment was a huge ordeal. It was Friday, and the first week of classes had just ended. Wynonna left to pick up groceries and meet up with Nicole, but I opted to stay at home to put all of my clothes away and organize my desk. Part of me really did want to be organized before school really picked up, but to be honest, I just wasn't interested in meeting up with Nicole. I knew I'd have to see her soon, but I was trying to put that off for as long as possible. I hung my last jacket up, deciding to start putting up some decorations in the house. Adding a little color would do Wynonna some good too. I knew that she liked all the fun decorations and colors even if she acted like she didn't. I also placed some pictures on my chest of drawers and desk. They were pictures of Wynonna and me. We didn't have many from when we were little. Most of the pictures with Willa were either in a box somewhere or lost. I smiled when I'd finished making my room homier.

     

"Those are cute."

I heard her voice and didn't even need to turn around. I knew it was Nicole. Her voice sounded smug and condescending, and it took all of my self control to put a smile on my face before turning around to look at her.

"Hey Nicole, it's been so long!"

I smiled at her, putting my last few pillows onto the bed and pulling on my sweater.

"It's good to see you too, Waves."

Gosh I hated that stupid nickname. I hated that Nicole thought she could use it without my permission.

"How was grocery shopping?"

"I didn't really do much shopping. Your sister's in the kitchen though. She's making some dinner for all of us."

I'm sure my face fell at the mention of Wynonna cooking because Nicole immediately laughed.

"Don't worry, Waves. I've got the nearest pizza place on speed dial."

I smiled at her then, a real smile. Something about Nicole seemed a little different. To be fair, it had been almost two years since I last saw Nicole. She still had that fiery red hair and those deep brown eyes, but she seemed different, maybe more grown up. There was some wisdom and a kindness in her eyes that I'd never noticed before.  _Stop it, Waverly. You don't like, Nicole. First you'll compliment her eyes and then things will get out of control._

"I better go check on your sister. Come on down when you're hungry."

I watched her leave, wondering again what was so different about Nicole now. I'm sure I'd figure it out; she'd be over here often enough. I rolled my empty suitcase under my bed and draped a blanket over the trunk at the foot of my bed. It looked as neat as it was ever going to be. I pulled on my boots and headed down the stairs, throwing my hair into a bun on the way down.

"Oh jeez!" my sister yelled from the kitchen.

"Wynonna, that is not how you make water boil faster." Nicole sounded patient, but there was laughter hidden in her voice. I smiled at the sound.

"Ok fine, you do it!" Wynonna handed the smoking pot to Nicole and hopped onto the counter to sit and watch.

"Hey, baby girl! You all finished with your unpacking?" Wynonna wrapped me in a hug before turning to face Nicole again.

"Yep, all finished."

"Wynonna, your sister is super neat and tidy. What went wrong with you?"

I laughed when Wynonna swatted at Nicole's shoulder. Nicole was expertly chopping veggies while fending off Wynonna's attacks by kicking her leg.

"Why don't you and Waverly start a movie in the living room while I finish cooking?"

"Fine, come on baby sis."

Wynonna pulled my arm and led me out of the kitchen. We both collapsed on the couch, Wynonna flopping dramatically against the back of the couch.

"What're we watching?" I groaned while Wynonna rested her legs on my lap.

"I was thinking something gory."

I made a face at her response but searched Netflix for something she might like.

"What're we watching?" Nicole called from the kitchen.

"Gore! Lots of gore!" Wynonna laughed back.

"Pick something different!"

I was surprised that Nicole had shot down Wynonna's suggestion. I would've thought that she would be obsessed with gore too.

"Fine. What do you want, Nicole?" Wynonna groaned, rolling her eyes.

"Something funny."

I flipped through Netflix again, hovering over shows and movies to read heir synopses.

" _Bridesmaids_?" I suggested.

"Bleh" Wynonna shook her head.

I kept searching, begging the universe for a happy, funny movie instead of a gory thriller.

" _Baby Mama_?" I suggested again.

"Fine... but gore tomorrow."

I smiled; I knew Wynonna couldn't resist  _Baby Mama_. She loved Tina Fey, and when we were little kids, she'd made me watch  _Mean Girls_  and  _Baby Mama_  at least once every month, which doesn't seem like a lot but really adds up. We could both quote  _Baby Mama_  word for word.

Wynonna started moving pillows and blankets around, choosing to make a comfy spot on the floor for herself, where she could spread out as much as she wanted. I skipped into the kitchen to grab a few glasses and a water bottle. Nicole was serving food onto plates, her back towards me. I'm not going to lie and say I didn't notice how good her butt looked. She was wearing these really tight skinny jeans and a silk button up shirt, and for some reason I really wanted to feel that shirt.  _Knock it off, Waverly. Jeez, stop looking at her. She's going to notice._

"Hey, Waves."

"Nicole."

"What're you doing?"

"Uhhh"

I lost the ability to answer with the right words, clearly, so I looked down at my hands and saw the glasses and water bottle.

"Oh! Um I'm getting drinks... well the non alcoholic variety anyway."

"Your sister won't like that," Nicole laughed.

"Well, Wynonna will just have to fix that herself."

I smiled at Nicole, feeling this really strange surge of energy. I hadn't felt that about anyone, especially not Nicole, and it made me feel extremely flustered.

"Ready?" Nicole whispered.

I hadn't noticed how close she was to me. I was leaning in the doorway, and she was balancing all three of our plates in her arms. She was waiting for me to move.

"Yep. Sorry."

I stepped aside for her and watched her join Wynonna in the living room. She was absolutely gorgeous, she was finally being nice to me, and she was sitting there on my living room couch. My heart almost jumped out of my chest. I walked over to the couch and set down the waters. Nicole handed me my plate, and we focused our attention onto the TV. I still couldn't help but feel how close I was to Nicole. She was laughing right next to me, and it was a gorgeous sound. Wynonna and I started parroting the lines. I was hoping that would distract me, but I couldn't help but notice her. I couldn't help but wish away the space between us on the couch. I couldn't help but silently hope Wynonna would go to bed early. Between all of these hopes and wishes, one thought spun through my head:  _I am in deep, deep trouble._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly meets Champ and makes a choice...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone like Champ, though?

I was sitting in my Sociology class when I felt his eyes on me. We'd both arrived earlier, so there were only a few other students in the lecture hall with us. I have pretty good intuition, and I can pretty much always feel someone's eyes on me before I see them. This class was the largest of all of my courses, and pretty much none of my classmates looked familiar. He was one of the football players. He played quarterback, so his picture was pretty much plastered all over the campus. He was a junior, and he was one of the cockier guys on the team. He always wore men's tank tops that sported the university's football team logo. He also had tattoos up and down his arms. I typically wouldn't go out with a guy like him, but I had to admit that he was handsome. He had dirty blonde hair and perfect looking teeth. He looked toned and chiseled, and his hair was perfectly quaffed. 

I moved in my seat, just barely, to get a view of him staring. He smirked at me and nodded towards me. Then, he stood and climbed over a few rows of chairs before settling in the seat beside me. 

"I'm Champ," he held his hand out to introduce himself. 

"Waverly."

"You've been distracting me the past three class periods, so I thought I'd sit by you and fully accept that I won't pay any attention in this class."

I blushed at his words. I could tell he probably rehearsed that line, but it didn't make it any less smooth. 

"I like making you blush. You're really beautiful, you know that?"

I looked down at my hands, trying to focus on calming my heart. It was beating extremely fast, and I couldn't tell why. It didn't feel the same way it felt when I'd sat with Nicole during our movie night. This was different. It felt somewhat wrong, but I tried to shove that thought to the back of my head. I didn't want to be with Nicole. I wanted to be with someone who would truly love and include me. Nicole had never done that; in fact, most of the time, she was the reason that I was so excluded from Wynonna's life. 

"Thank you," I whispered as the professor started his lecture. 

I worked on focusing on the class material. I had perfect grades in high school, and I was fully prepared to keep up my perfect record. I didn't want anything or anyone to distract me. That wasn't totally working though. Between thinking about Nicole and how I reacted to her on movie night and the shrinking distance between Champ's and my bodies, I was freaking out.

Champ moved his hand closer to mine, and for a minute, I was convinced he was going to hold my hand. Instead, he brushed his fingers against mine, turned my hand over, and placed a small note in the palm of my hand. 

"I was actually hoping you might grab dinner with me tonight," was scrawled on the notebook paper. 

Originally, I'd planned to help Wynonna decorate our apartment, but she'd cancelled on me earlier in the day, choosing to spend her afternoon with Nicole instead. I rolled my eyes at that but quickly wrote down my phone number and handed the paper back to Champ. If Wynonna was going to ditch me to spend time with Nicole, it was about time I found my own friends to hang out with. 

At the end of class, I noticed Champ show the paper to a few of his friends. They fist bumped him and slapped him on the back, stupid guy stuff for the most part. Truthfully, I was excited about going on a date. I hadn't really dated that many people, another side effect of not leaving Purgatory. I went to my next class before driving back to the apartment. I fixed myself a little lunch before climbing up the stairs to read and take a nap. College was wiping me out, and I wanted to be wide awake for dinner. By 4:00pm, I was woken up by giggling. It was coming from the kitchen, and I immediately recognized it as Wynonna's and Nicole's. I wondered why they were home, since Wynonna had cancelled on me and explained that they'd be out most of the night. It was annoying, but changing plans was kind of just a part of who Wynonna was. 

I slipped out of bed and walked to the bathroom. I splashed water on my face, brushed my teeth, and brushed my hair. Then, I reapplied my makeup and spritzed a little perfume on my wrists and neck. I changed into a tight crop top and dark blue skinny jeans. Finally, I slipped on a pair of boots with a pretty high heel and a long cardigan. 

By 6:00pm, I climbed down the stairs and grabbed my purse near the front door. I checked to make sure my keys and wallet were inside before throwing it over my shoulder. 

"Oh shit! Baby girl, I'm sorry. I should've texted you that we were going to stay in tonight," Wynonna appeared around the corner, coming from the kitchen. 

"It's fine. I actually have plans, so don't worry about it."

"What plans?" Nicole asked me, but her voice remained monotone and uncaring. 

"Yeah, you look hot. Where are you off to?" Wynonna squinted her eyes at me, taking in my appearance. 

"I actually have a date. Enjoy your night. Don't wait up." 

I pulled the door open quickly and walked to my car. I didn't want Wynonna to start questioning everything. I did notice that Nicole's face seemed disappointed or something like that. I hopped into the Jeep and drove towards the address that Champ had sent me. We were meeting at a pizza place, and I was actually starving. When I walked into the restaurant, Champ hadn't yet arrived. I was almost always on time, so I decided to grab a table. I texted him to let him know that I was inside. 

By the time he actually decided to show up, he was thirty minutes late, and I'd prepared myself to grab a pizza to go and leave. 

"Hey babe, sorry I hit some traffic."

I didn't like that he called me babe. Something about how it sounded coming from him made my skin crawl. He slung his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him. I could already smell beer on his breath, and it took a good amount of strength for me to smile through the contact. 

"It's fine. Want to look at the menu?"

Champ picked up a menu and glanced down before looking at the TV screen near our booth. There was a football game on, and he was absolutely glued to the screen. 

"May I take your order?" the waitress asked. 

I had to nudge Champ with my elbow to get his attention. He ordered a beer, definitely not his first of the night, and a barbecue chicken pizza. I got a veggie pizza and stuck with water. I didn't feel like drinking a beer. Mostly, I just wanted to get to know him, and I was prepared to do that sober. 

"So you're quarterback?"

"That's right!"

"Pretty cool"

"Yeah it is, and this season I'm supposed to be starting at every game. The guys are going to be extremely jealous. I'm starting every game, and I'm on a date with Waverly Earp. You're a cheerleader. I've seen you practice, and dang, you look hot in that uniform." 

"Uhhh thanks."

"Well all the guys wanted to ask you out, but I told them I'd be able to do it first. When I set my mind to things, you know?"

"Yeah, determination is good," I was feeling kind of uncomfortable, but it was a first date. All first dates are uncomfortable. 

Champ talked through most of dinner. Mostly, he talked about himself. He kept mentioning that I ate a lot for someone so small, and I started to feel self conscious about everything. When we said goodbye for the night, he kissed me. He pulled my hips into his and ran his tongue in my mouth. I felt him, hard against me. His hands dug into my hips, and his teeth grazed against my bottom lip, biting a little too hard for my liking. 

I drove home, feeling gross about the whole evening. The pizza hadn't even been that good, and I was exhausted. I pulled into my parking spot and unlocked the house door. It was late by now, so I quietly locked up behind me. Wynonna was asleep on the couch, just how she always ended up. Nicole was nowhere to be seen, but her car was still in the driveway. I figured she'd just fallen asleep in Wynonna's room. I hung my purse up and took my shoes off at the door. Then, I walked up the stairs and towards my bedroom.

"Ouch," Nicole mumbled while rubbing her eyes.

"Jeez! You scared me!" I squeaked when I turned the light on.

Nicole was curled up in my chair. She'd fallen asleep with the light off and woken up when I'd flicked the switch on.

"What are you doing in here?" I whisper-shouted at Nicole. 

She looked at the floor sheepishly. 

"I wanted to make sure you made it home okay."

"I said don't wait up!"

"I'm sorry. I just don't trust that guy."

"How'd you know which guy it was?" I asked with an arched eyebrow.

"It's Champ. He literally tells everyone about his life and brags about hot girls he gets to go out with him."

I should've questioned Nicole more, but to be honest, all I could think about was the fact that Nicole thought I was hot. I stood there, blankly staring at Nicole. She was in a black tank top and a pair of gray sweatpants. Her hair looked smooth and soft, and her sock feet were really adorable. Nicole had been a part of my life since I was a child. She'd been my competition, another big sister, a comfort during our family's traumas, and the bane of my existence. Something about her felt different though. She was beautiful and strong. There was an ease in the way she held herself, and there was a warmth in her eyes. She looked at me as though I hung the moon in the sky, and I wondered if she looked at everyone that way. 

"I'm sorry I scared you," she whispered before moving towards the door. 

I didn't move out of her way. Instead, I kept watching her. She stood in front of me, her eyes moving from my lips to my eyes again and again. Our breaths collected in between us, and I couldn't help but feel a little bit warmer at the close proximity. 

"So uh h-how was your uh your date?"

Nicole sounded shy almost, nothing like her normal confident self. Her eyes looked sad and hopeful all at the same time. 

"Okay I guess."

"You guys would be a power couple. You know the quarterback and the cheerleader."

"Maybe," I breathed out, noticing how rapidly my heart was beating. 

Nicole moved even closer to me. Our noses were almost touching, and I was dying to connect our lips. Stop. You don't want to kiss her. Waverly, go to bed. You aren't thinking clearly. I tried to rationalize with myself, to do the mature thing. Instead, I reached out and crashed my lips into hers. My fingers tangled in her beautiful soft hair, and my lips burned against hers. This was a good kiss, an incredible kiss. This was passionate and amazing, nothing like whatever Champ had been doing. Nicole lifted my legs up, so that I could wrap them around her waist. I pulled my body even closer to hers, feeling her heart beating erratically too. She carried me to the bed and lay me down, and for a minute I thought we were going to continue. Her body was over mine, and I saw the war waging behind her eyes. She didn't know what to do or what she wanted. 

I reached my fingers out to bring her back towards my lips, but she pulled back. Her eyes became hard and serious again. 

"I'm drunk," she stated bluntly. 

"I'm drunk... none of this means anything, Waverly."

Suddenly, I longed for that stupid nickname, Waves. Nicole only used it when she was happy. She looked miserable right now. She stood up and left my room, turning off the light switch as she went. I lay in the dark, feeling more confused than I thought possible. Nicole hadn't seemed drunk, and that kiss hadn't seemed fake or forced. That was the best kiss I'd ever had, and Nicole insisted that it meant nothing. My heart felt like it was breaking, which was weird because I didn't even know I felt anything for Nicole. My phone buzzed next to me. For a second, I hoped that it was Nicole, but when Champ's name popped up on the screen, my heart dropped. 

"I really enjoyed tonight. Let's do it again."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a minute. If this meant nothing to Nicole, then it would mean nothing to me. I texted back quickly. 

"Can't wait."


	4. Chapter 4

"Baby girl! It's breakfast time... or way past breakfast really. Come grab some food."

Wynonna's voice broke me out of my dream. I was definitely dreaming about a particular red head, so while I was glad to be woken up, I was also annoyed. I knew as soon as my feet hit the floor that I was in no state to brunch with my sister and her best friend.

I'm usually a cheery person, and Saturday brunch has always been my favorite part of the week, but every piece of my body felt like it was aching, like I'd been tossing and turning all night. I shrugged on my robe and slippers and tromped down the stairs.

"She's alive!" Wynonna teased while holding a spatula in the air.

She was in her pajamas too, and her hair was messy. The kitchen was a disaster, like it always is when Wynonna cooks. Nicole, on the other hand, was sitting at the kitchen table slicing fruit. She was dressed in her police uniform, which didn't make much sense because it was Saturday, but I tried not to dwell on that or even look at her. Of course, that didn't really work out too well. Nicole reached across the table and slid a cup of coffee towards me, forcing me to look up and thank her. She looked smug and obnoxious, and I wanted her to leave more than anything. We ate in silence, passing blueberry pancakes between the three of us.

"Ok... who stole the covers from whom last night?" Wynonna joked from her place at the table.

"What?!" Nicole and I nearly shouted at the same time.

My heart beat in my chest. Did Wynonna know about that stupid kiss we'd shared the night before? We definitely hadn't shared a bed...even though I might have wanted to.

"You guys just seem really grumpy today... Did I miss something?"

"I gotta go to the station and do my internship work. They're making me file paperwork for the next three weeks." Nicole stood up and placed her dishes in the dishwasher.

I couldn't help but watch her move across the kitchen. She looked amazing in her uniform, and the kiss from the night before kept playing over and over in my head.

"Bye, Wynonna. Waverly," Nicole nodded towards me, her eyes burning into mine before she walked out of the kitchen.

"Waves? Are you feeling okay?" Wynonna reached up to feel my forehead for a fever.

"Yeah, sorry. I just didn't sleep well, I guess."

We finished eating in silence. I could tell Wynonna was concerned or curious, but I tried to ignore her stares. I didn't need to make her relationship with Nicole uncomfortable or strained, especially since, according to Nicole, nothing at all happened last night.

"I have a date tonight," I stated while putting my dishes in the dishwasher.

"Again? Who's the lucky guy?"

"Champ Hardy. You might not know him. He's a junior, but he isn't studying any law enfo--"

"I know him... Waves, are you sure you want to be going out with him?"

"Why wouldn't I want to?"

"You're just so good, too good for a guy like him. You're like my little bundle of sunshine, and I don't want him to disrespect you or treat you poorly. His reputation hasn't always been the best."

"Well, until you start figuring out your own complicated love life, maybe you shouldn't judge mine."

I hadn't meant to snap at Wynonna, but something just kind of glitched inside me. I was frustrated with Nicole and frustrated with Wynonna for not realizing what her stupid friend had done. Most of all, I was upset with myself because I couldn't forget Nicole's swollen lips on mine and how amazing that had felt. I walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs before I could blush a dark red in front of Wynonna.

"Waves, come on."

I ignored her and headed upstairs. I wanted to shower and stop by the grocery store before I had to get ready for my date.

\--------

"Do you want paper or plastic?"

"Hmm?"

"Paper or plastic?"

I must have looked absolutely ridiculous because I could see the cashier smiling uncomfortably.

"For your groceries... do you want paper or plastic bags?"

"Oh! I brought my own. Sorry," I mumbled, looking at the ground and handing my bags to her.

"Long day?"

"Something like that."

"Well, if you want, I can buy you a coffee after my shift ends. We can talk about your long day."

I looked up at the woman, surprised by how forward she was. She had dark brown hair that was done up in a high ponytail. Her tank was tight underneath the cashier uniform vest, and I could see a tiny bit of her stomach showing. She was really gorgeous; I don't think anyone would deny that, and her confidence was definitely the most attractive and most intimidating part.

"I actually can't today."

"Okay," she smiled and kept bagging my groceries.

Maybe her confidence rubbed off on me, or maybe I just wanted to see whether the feelings I felt with Nicole had only been felt because she's a woman, not a guy, but I leaned against the counter and flashed her my best smile.

"Why don't I call you when I am free?"

"Sure thing," she smirked back before scribbling her number on my receipt.

I smiled at her and turned to leave, holding four grocery bags, when I saw red hair out of the corner of my eye. Nicole was standing at the entrance of the store behind an empty shopping cart. She was still in uniform, probably getting some groceries for the week during her lunch break. She looked annoyed or even angry, but I didn't want her to know that it bothered me. I didn't want her to know how much I was dying to kiss that scowl off her face, to sink into her arms. I stalked out of the store, passing her without a word. My hips were swaying, and I could've sworn that I felt her eyes on me when I left. I slid the bags into the back seats of my jeep and hopped into my seat, revving the engine as I left.

\---------

"Is he seriously honking his horn?"

Wynonna was pacing back and forth, trying to convince me to ditch Champ and stay home for a movie night.

"How is he that lazy that he can't get out of his damn car and ring the doorbell?"

"Relax, Wynonna. He's probably just nervous."

"Well, I think he's an asshole."

"Why don't you invite Nicole over for movie night?"

"She said she wasn't in the mood. She sounded pissed off. I guess something happened at work or something."

Or something I thought. I wondered if I had made her mad, if she was struggling as much as I was.

Champ honked again, and I rolled my eyes along with Wynonna this time. Nevertheless, I kissed Wynonna's cheek and walked out to his truck.

"Hey babe, didn't you hear me honking?" Champ laughed over the loud music playing in his car.

Before I could respond or even buckle my seatbelt, his lips were on mine and his tongue was in my mouth. For a minute, I thought about pushing him away, but I realized that it wasn't really hurting anything. Kissing was fun, and although they weren't Nicole's lips, they did distract me from thinking too much about her. I let him paw at my body and leave marks on my neck, and to be honest, it felt good to not think about her. Plus, I knew Champ would never say that kisses meant nothing or that he was too drunk. Champ liked me. Sure, maybe he liked me for my body and not my brain or heart, but he liked me, openly and without shame.

"We should go before Wynonna comes out and kills you," I whispered.

"As long as we continue this later."

Champ revved the engine and sped off, way too fast for my liking. I hurriedly buckled my seatbelt and fixed my hair, noticing, in the mirror, the red marks on my neck that would definitely be turning purple by tomorrow. Wynonna would certainly not like that.

We got to the party in ten minutes because of Champ's speeding. Typically, it would take me more like twenty minutes. Champ jumped out and immediately met up with some guys from the football team. I quietly got out of the truck and stood on my own. I felt awkward and completely out of my element. I'd been to these parties before. In high school, I used to go to these kind of parties all the time with other cheerleaders, but even then, I always felt out of place. I was nerdier than everyone else, and I didn't like getting drunk, so most of my time was spend holding a full cup of beer and pretending to be intoxicated.

"Babe! The boys want to meet you."

Champ slung his arm around my neck and pulled me into him. The other guys ogled me, looking at my boobs and the slight amount of skin that was showing where my shirt had ridden up a little. I could tell by their dilated pupils that most of them were probably already quite drunk. Champ was tossing back jello shots and kept offering them to me.

"Waves, I want to see you lose some control. You're always so serious."

"I'm just gonna stick with beer, ok?"

Champ pouted, and I never felt more sick in my life. How on earth had I let him kiss me earlier. The longer I spent with him, the grosser it felt. I'd been with guys before, but they hadn't been as piggish as Champ. I wanted nothing more than to rewind time and be back in my room the night before with Nicole, even if she hadn't wanted it and had thought of it as a mistake. I wanted to hold her in my arms. I couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to wake up in her arms. She smelled so good, and her skin was so smooth and soft. I couldn't imagine how it would feel to be so close to her all the time. Knock it off, Waverly, I thought to myself. I couldn't let myself get caught up with Nicole when I knew she didn't want me like that.

I felt Champ's lips on my neck again. I pulled his face toward mine and kissed him as hard as I could. I wanted to lose myself in him, just for one night. I needed to get over Nicole and stop any thoughts that were moving through my brain. So, when he pulled me towards the house and up the stairs to some stranger's bedroom, I didn't stop him.

\-------

By 3:00am, I was being dropped off at the house. Champ didn't walk me to the door, and honestly, I didn't want him to. I felt disgusting. My skin felt itchy and clammy at the same time, there were so may marks on my neck that I would never be able to cover up, and my hair was probably an absolute mess. I felt easy and cheap, and I didn't want to face Wynonna. I planned on sneaking into the house and up to my room without her waking up or noticing, but my plan failed. As soon as I stepped into the house, Wynonna was standing in front of me with her hands on her hips.

"What the actual hell, Waverly?"

I looked down at the floor, praying that my hair would cover my neck enough but knowing it wouldn't.

"Hey, sis," I tried to smile as if nothing were wrong.

"What the heck happened? You look like you were attacked!" Wynonna moved my hair out of the way and touched my neck.

That's when I noticed that a button on my shirt had been yanked off, probably when Champ was pawing at me with his clumsy hands.

"We just went to a party."

"And you did it with Champ?!"

I realized that Wynonna's voice was angry but also hushed, and that's when I looked behind her and noticed Nicole sitting on our couch. She was facing the TV, but I could tell that she was listening in on our conversation.

"So what if I did?"

"Waverly, you don't know him! You've been out with him twice."

"I'm an adult! I can make my own decisions, and sometimes I just want to have fun."

Wynonna shook her head before pulling me in for a hug.

"I just want you to be safe and happy, baby girl, and I want him to treat you right, which I'm not sure he can."

"I can take care of myself."

"Okay... well I'm here if you ever need anything. I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered, knowing that if I spoke any more I might cry.

I climbed up the stairs to my room. I didn't feel good. In fact, I felt sick to my stomach. I didn't want Champ. I hadn't wanted his hands all over me or his lips on mine. I'd wanted to forget, and that was no reason to sleep with someone or even fool around with someone. I felt dirty and uncomfortable, so I slipped my clothes off, threw them into my dirty clothes hamper, and hopped into the shower. I let the hot water travel down my body, hopefully taking all of my memories of Champ along with it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally some of Nicole's perspective and backstory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in Nicole's POV. I tend to switch between the two, but I'll make it very clear that the POV is switching, so no worries!

Nicole's POV:

Waverly was in the shower upstairs still; the water had been running for at least half an hour. Wynonna and I were both sitting on either side of the couch. I could tell Wynonna was concerned. She always worried about Waverly, and Champ was not someone Wynonna wanted Waverly to get involved with. 

"She's so good, Nicole. I mean, Waverly is the best of all of us. She's always been the sweet, gentle, charismatic one, and now some pig is putting his hands all over her and leaving marks all over her skin. It makes me feel sick. No one is good enough for Waverly."

I nodded. It actually bothered me how much the idea of Champ's hands on Waverly made me feel sick. I tried to shake the thought away, convinced I was just feeling sleep deprived. Wynonna didn't need me to respond. She was speaking more to herself than to me. I agreed with her wholeheartedly though. Waverly was kind, genuine, and good. I'd known that since I first met Waverly when we were little kids. 

My parents had both been killed in an automobile accident. Some people in Purgatory thought it was a double suicide, so I became somewhat of a freak to most people. My grandparents called Mr. Earp and drove me over to the Earp family homestead for dinner. I guess since the Earp girls' mama left town, they were freakish too, so my grandparents thought we'd make great friends. I was only nine when I first met them. Waverly was five, and Wynonna was eleven. It's not that I took a liking to either of them upon first sight. I will, however, never forget seeing Waverly for the first time. She was the first person who'd genuinely smiled at me in years. She'd smiled from her front porch, holding onto the railing while her daddy stood with Willa and Wynonna. She'd looked left out, but she also looked joyful, like even scary or hard circumstances couldn't phase her. That had scared me, so instead of talking to that tiny angel who smiled at me, I befriended her two older sisters, mainly Wynonna, wanting to be included in older girls' schemes. 

It wasn't long after that when Mr. Earp and Willa were taken and killed. That's when an even greater space grew between Waverly and Wynonna. Wynonna felt guilty for killing her own father, even though it had been an accident, and she couldn't handle looking at Waverly's ever trusting and kind face, knowing that she'd taken away her baby sister's father, and essentially her whole family. My grandparents and I moved out of Purgatory soon after that. Wynonna was sent to a psychiatric hospital, and Waverly was left alone. To this day, I wonder what would have happened if I'd been there for her. It must have been the loneliest existence for a six year old to grow up without any friends or family members, but Waverly seemed to do fine on her own. At least, she pretended to be fine. She was pretty enough to be popular in school, and she was smart enough to use that to her advantage. 

I kept visiting Wynonna. Every summer, we'd spend time together away from our homes. Again, Waverly was left behind. I often wonder why we never brought her along. She was younger, but I wonder if a part of me was afraid to look an older version of Waverly in the eyes, to see how beautiful she'd become or how betrayed her eyes still looked after all of the years alone. I wasn't wrong to be afraid because when I saw Waverly, moving into her college apartment with Wynonna, my heart stopped in my chest. I'd seen Waverly as a teen, typically from far away or very quickly. I'd wait in the car for Wynonna to join me and catch a glimpse of Waverly on the front porch or through a window. Or, I'd sit on the porch and watch Waverly jog down the steps and join her friends for a night out. Sure she'd looked fit and pretty, but I'd never taken enough time to fully appreciate her. She was absolutely beautiful. She still had those same deep brown eyes and long brown hair. Her skin was still so smooth, and her body was fit and strong. She was petite, but there were curves that my hands were dying to touch. Well... curves that my hands had touched the night before. 

"Are you listening to me anymore?" Wynonna kicked my leg with her foot. 

"Sorry. Just thinking about work on Monday. What were you saying?"

"I just don't like him."

"Who?"

"Champ the chump," Wynonna grumbled before standing up and carrying her blanket up the stairs with her. 

"Are you staying the night?" She called before disappearing at the top of the stairs.

"I was thinking I'd just crash on your couch."

"Cool. Night, Haught."

Wynonna stumbled into her bedroom and pulled the curtains closed. The shower was still running upstairs, and I wondered if Waverly was all right. I hadn't gotten a good look at her, but she hadn't sounded like her normal self. Wynonna had pointed out the marks on her body, and thinking about Champ leaving marks on her neck, touching her, or hurting her made me feel like I would be sick. I pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and onto my body. I needed to stop thinking about Waverly. There was no way on Earth that Waverly would ever want to be with me, and there was no way that I could ever commit to one person. If there was anything I could be 100% sure about it was that people didn't stay around long. No one was permanent. If she did want to be with me, I would end up breaking her heart. Plus, my relationship with Wynonna would be ruined if I hurt her little sister. Our friendship may be strong, but I'd learned a long time ago that Waverly would always come first. Blood is thicker than water, I guess. 

I tried to close my eyes, but it was extremely hard to block out all of the thoughts in my head. I heard the water shut off upstairs, and I rolled onto my side, facing the back of the couch. It must have been about twenty minutes before I heard footsteps coming down the stairs because I had started to doze off. The footsteps woke me up, though, and I focused all of my attention on hearing who was walking around. After years of sleeping on the Earp sisters' couch, I knew their footsteps. Wynonna always walked loudly, as if she had zero cares in the world, and Waverly walked quickly but rather quietly. She was petite and considerate of others, so she made less noise. I knew it was her. She passed by the couch and walked into the kitchen, flipping on the light over the stove. Again, she was considerate enough not to turn on the bright overhead lights in the kitchen because I was sleeping in the next room. 

I focused on what she was doing. I could hear the cupboard open and a glass being pulled off of the shelf. She padded across the room, her slippers making a soft scuff on the tile floor. She turned on the sink and filled her glass. I could picture how she was probably standing, her hands resting on the edge of the sink and her body leaning forward. She was probably looking out the window, her hair still damp from the shower and her robe covering her shoulders. I wanted to roll over and look at her, and I almost did until I heard her feet move across the floor again. This time, they stopped a few feet away, presumably right in the doorway to the kitchen. She was probably leaning against the doorframe. I wondered if she were facing me. I wondered why she would want to look at me when the view outside the kitchen window was probably more interesting. 

"Nicole" Waverly sighed in an exhausted tone of voice. 

Waverly sounded absolutely lost. She sounded like she was at the end of her rope, like she needed me to do something, to help her or hold her or just be there for her. Instead of answering though, I squeezed my eyes closed. I didn't want her to know I was awake. If she knew I'd heard her, she might've wanted to talk further or might've felt embarrassed. So instead, I kept my lips together and prayed that Waverly would come to her senses and go to sleep. 

"You've certainly done a number this time..."

What on earth did she mean? The kiss probably hadn't meant anything to Waverly, and I'd told her that so that she wouldn't think I had feelings for her and feel guilty or uncomfortable about it all. 

"Though I suppose I'm at fault too. I guess we've done a number this time."

There was silence that followed Waverly's musings. I wanted to ask her what she meant, but there was no way that I could confess to faking my unconscious state. 

"Maybe Champ's right. If I shut my brain off this would all be so much easier."

I cringed at that. I didn't want Waverly to shut her brain off. Sure, she could talk a mile a minute, and she knew more about every subject than anyone I knew, but I loved her brain. That was one of the pieces of Waverly that I loved most... liked most. I liked it. I liked that she was smart, and I liked that she worked hard and studied for exams. It made me smile to think about Waverly and her constant reading. 

"I guess it doesn't really matter," Waverly sighed and walked back to the sink. 

I could hear her place her glass in the dishwasher and head back to the staircase. She was extremely quiet on the way up the stairs, so quiet that I wasn't even sure that she'd gone up the stairs until I heard her bedroom door close. I took a deep breath, not having realized that I'd been holding my breath in her presence. I rolled over and looked up at the ceiling. There was nothing I wanted more than to climb up those stairs and kiss her again. I wanted to hold her and tell her that shutting off her brain would be a crime. I wanted her to understand that the only person I could listen to every day 24/7 was her. It would be so easy to just walk upstairs and knock on her door. She probably wasn't even asleep yet, so she would hear me at the door and hopefully let me in. I'd brush my fingers along her jaw and kiss her lips softly. 

Wynonna's snores from the next room shocked me back into reality. There was no way I could do that. Waverly deserved someone who could be hers and hers alone, someone who could be faithful. Wynonna would also kill me, and there was nothing I feared more than losing my best friend. I buried my head into the couch cushion and waited for exhaustion to finally wash over me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Wynonna's POV:**

"I just don't get it! I seriously don't understand what she sees in him, and she's not acting like herself at all. Usually she's home making dinner with me, drinking a cup of tea, and cramming as much studying in as possible, and now she's hardly at home. When she's home she's locked in her room," I scowled while parking my car. 

"Nicole, are you listening?" The phone had been silent for at least five minutes, and I was starting to wonder if Nicole had ignored me and left her phone somewhere in the house.

"Yeah, I'm here. I don't know what's up with her though. Why don't you hang out with her tonight?"

"She's going out with Champ... again."

"It's a Wednesday night. Isn't that usually Waverly's biggest night of cramming for classes?" 

"She said that she and Champ are going to study for Sociology or something. God, I hate this. It's just like when she dated that guy Phil from Purgatory. They went out and all of a sudden all of Waverly's likes and dislikes flew to the wayside, and all she cared about was Phil and his hobbies or whatever." 

There was silence again. 

"Nicole, are you serious?"

"Sorry I'm here."

"No, you aren't, but  I'm here."

"What?"

"I'm outside of your apartment. Open the door."

"Crap, Wynonna. Give a girl some warning."

"Do you have company?" I turned around toward the street, only just now noticing the yellow mini cooper parked behind Nicole's Honda. 

The door to the apartment flew open, and a very disheveled Nicole stared Wynonna in the face. 

"Come on in, Wynonna."

I stepped through the door, cringing at the scene I'd walked in on. Nicole was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, but the strange girl in her studio apartment only had on a pair of underwear. She was walking through the flat and picking up discarded pieces of clothing. 

"Did I interrupt?"

"No, you're fine. Wynonna this is--"

I stared at Haught and rolled my eyes. This was nothing new. Nicole had a habit of picking up random girls to spend a day or night with, sometimes a weekend if she really liked them. It didn't surprise me one bit that she couldn't remember their names. It did, however, surprise the half naked girl, who looked extremely hurt by Nicole's lack of attention.

"It's Skylar," she deadpanned, glaring at Nicole before nodding to me. 

"Right! Wynonna, this is Skylar. Skylar, this is my best friend, Wynonna. Skylar and I took an Economics class together a while back."

Skylar was finally dressed and hooking her purse over her shoulder. 

"Call me?" She looked at Nicole with pleading eyes. It was pretty sad actually because I knew Nicole wouldn't 

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, but I'm sure I'll see you around." Nicole walked her to the door and smiled at her until she got into her car and drove away. 

"Why do you keep doing that to poor girls?"

"Hey, I don't promise them anything. In fact, I tell them before hand that I don't want it to be a consistent thing. It's always a one-time thing. If she's hurt, the fault is on her because she let herself believe that this would lead to more dates or a relationship."

"You are seriously messed up, Haught."

"Says the girl stringing two men along..."

Nicole punched me in the arm before walking into the kitchen area to grab two glasses and a bottle of whiskey. We sat on her couch, and she poured me a huge serving of the alcohol. 

"So, you're worried about your sister and Champ."

"Of course I am. You didn't see her up close last night. I mean yeah, she was covered in hickeys and that's gross to me because I'm her big sister, but more than that,  her eyes were just so empty, like she's lost a piece of her soul. It looked like she had literally no hope left, and Waverly is usually the most hopeful of us all. When I killed Daddy, Waverly still hoped for a family. She was still there for me, no matter how much of her own trauma she was dealing with. This six year old took care of me, and it's my job to do the same for her. I just don't know how to help her because she's not listening to me."

"She is an adult, Wynonna. There isn't much you can do to protect her anymore."

"She's twenty. She doesn't know what she wants or what's good for her."

"Even still, she gets to choose, and your job is to be there when she does fall, when things turn our poorly, when she needs to be held by her big sister."

"I hate when you're right, and I hate when I can't do anything," I leaned into Haught's huge, blue couch and propped my feet on her coffee table, taking another gulp of  whiskey and relishing in the burn I felt in my throat. 

"You're sleeping with the whole university, aren't you?"

Nicole scoffed before taking a sip from her own glass.

"I wouldn't say the whole university. I do have standards."

"Riiiight, so you're sleeping with all the hot girls at our university."

"At least all the hot, gay ones... some straight, but mostly gay."

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nicole pinch the bridge of her nose, as if she was in pain. 

"You okay?" I asked, turning to face her fully.

"Yeah, just stressed."

"The cop shop keeping you too busy?"

"Something like that..."

It was quiet again, and I started to wonder if there was more bothering Nicole. She wasn't usually so quiet, and typically boring cop work made Nicole happy and excited; it gave her a purpose and made her feel important. 

"Have you ever thought about being in a relationship with someone? Or at least dating one person for a little bit, getting to know them?"

"I've thought about it."

"Why haven't you?"

"Because I know I'd screw it up." Nicole poured more whiskey into both of our glasses.

"Just because your parents died doesn't mean that everyone is going to leave you," I said softly.

I reached out and placed my hand on her shoulder. 

"I mean, look around. Waverly and I are still here, and it's been like fourteen years."

"Wynonna, the cops reasoned that my parents most likely killed themselves together. Clearly, they wanted to be out of my life. I don't need anyone else deciding that. Plus, no strings relationships are fun. There's no complications of miscommunications."

"Yeah, there aren't any feelings either."

"You can't decide between Henry or Xavier, and that drives all three of you crazy. See what feelings do to people?"

I rolled my eyes. Nicole was going to hold that over my head as much as she could

"Can you talk to Waverly?"

"What?!" Nicole's face turned a dark red, and she looked scared, something I never thought I'd say about her. 

"Waverly won't listen to me, and I don't want to make her angrier. Maybe she'll listen to you though. You could double date with her and Champ."

"If you want me to double date with her and Champ, then it's going to be a triple date and you're joining. I am not volunteering myself to chaperone your sister on my own."

"Fine," I slugged back more whiskey before standing up.

"Clean up and find a girl, Haught. I'll talk to Waverly about a group date this Friday."

"Are you good to drive?"

"I'm fine." Nicole didn't look convinced. 

"I'll call you when I get home, jeez mom."

Nicole laughed as I walked out the door. I got into my car and drove home, hoping I'd catch Waverly before she left for Champ's. Of course, I didn't. She'd already left, leaving a note for me not to wait up. 

**Nicole's POV:**

Once Wynonna walked out the door, I closed my eyes and flopped down on my couch. Gosh I hated Champ. I didn't even know him, and I hated him. I glanced up to the top shelf of my bookcase and stared at the only picture I had sitting out in my apartment. Of all the pictures of Wynonna and me that I could've framed, of course I chose the one with Waverly in it as well. At the time, I hadn't thought much of it. Maybe I'd wanted to be nice and make Waverly feel like a part of the group, but now I understood why. I had wanted a picture of Waverly. I'd wanted to be able to look at her when I walked into my flat. She was gorgeous and kind, and looking at her picture made me feel safer or more at home. My heart ached with the realization that all I wanted was a picture of the two of us; I wanted there to be an us, but that couldn't happen. She'd find me in bed with some other girl, and I'd break her heart. Or Wynonna would tell Waverly about the kind of person I really am, and Waverly would realize that she couldn't love someone as messed up as I am. I tucked my arms under my head and looked up at her smiling face. 

     

My phone buzzed in my pocket, making my heart skip a beat. I wanted it to be Waverly, but it was Wynonna, letting me know she made it home. I couldn't do that to Wynonna. I couldn't date her little sister and break her heart. Who was I kidding? I couldn't date, period. I didn't know how to date someone. I stood up and flipped the photograph so that it was face-down. I needed to get over her, and to do that, I needed to avoid seeing her at all costs. My phone buzzed again.

Wynonna: "Hey, I texted Waves. She said a group date sounds fun. Friday we're all going to grab pizza and see a movie."

_Well, crap. There goes the not seeing her plan._

 


	7. Chapter 7

Waverly's POV **:**

Things had been extremely strained between Nicole and me for the past few weeks since the kiss. I was finally starting to feel like I was over it, like it had all been a strange dream that was getting harder and harder to remember. Champ wasn't ideal, but he always wanted to spend time with me, or at least have me around while he spent time with his football playing friends. It was nice to be needed and included. Plus, sex with him wasn't terrible. I mean, most of the time it was just like any other guy, but there were some really good nights. He liked to brag a lot, to me and to his friends. There was nothing he liked more than feeding his own ego. Maybe that was normal though. My life hadn't been normal, and maybe if it had, I would be more like Champ Hardy. It was getting easier and easier to stomach some of the things he said and ignore the rest. Still, I was worried about this group date. Wynonna and Nicole both disliked Champ, and it was very possible that he would say something to annoy them or make them worry about my happiness. Well, at least Wynonna would worry. Nicole probably wouldn't care. She'd be too busy with her one night stand to pay attention to the rest of us.

"Baby, you're not watching."

I blinked a few times before readjusting my gaze onto the TV in front of me. Champ was playing FIFA on the Xbox. Supposedly, it could be played as a two person game; I'd seen some of his friends play it with him, but he laughed when I asked him to show me how to play. Apparently, he didn't think girls needed to do that. He sure did like to make me watch him play though. It gave me a lot of time to think, and honestly, on some days, I'd rather watch him play than feel his hands all over me.

"We're gonna be late for this date thing if you don't get ready."

"I am ready."

"Okay, then let's go,." I stood up from the couch, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

"I just have to finish this one game, and then we can go," he answered without even looking up from the screen.

I rolled my eyes, trying my best not to get annoyed.

My phone buzzed in my hand, and I looked down, knowing exactly whose name was going to flash across my screen.

**Wynonna: Hey, we're a tad bit early. Want us to go in and get a table?"**

**Me: Sure, but we won't be there for a little while.**

**Wynonna: You aren't on the way?**

**Me: We got sidetracked**

**Wynonna: Ew gross**

**Me: No, not like that. We'll be there soon**

I frowned, wishing Champ could feel how annoyed I was.

\---

By the time we actually made it to the restaurant, Nicole and Wynonna had been sitting with their dates in a semi-circular booth for twenty minutes.

"Sorry we're late," I mumbled before sliding in next to Nicole.

Champ slid into the booth next to me, sitting so close that he was practically on top of me. Nicole scooted over some to give me more space to sit. She smiled a very small smile before turning back to her date. Her date was a gorgeous woman with dark, straightened, shoulder-length hair and caramel skin. I felt a pang of jealousy when I saw Nicole put her arm around her shoulders. She was tall and thin, and she actually seemed nice, which only made me dislike her more. I disliked that I disliked her, so I just smiled and introduced myself before I turned to look at my sister. She'd brought John Henry on this date, maybe finally deciding that he was the one for her. I liked both John Henry and Xavier, but I always felt like Wynonna loved John Henry in the romantic way and Xavier in the best friend kind of way. In the end, it would be up to her.

Wynonna looked me up and down, probably looking for hickeys or anything to prove that Champ and I had been delayed because of a physical attraction and not a video game.

"So, have you ordered already?" I asked in the most chipper voice I could manage.

"No we waited, but I'm ready when you are," Wynonna responded, rolling her eyes at Champ, who was ogling her chest.

I pressed down on his toes with the heel of my boot, making him jerk his knee up, scowl, and face the menu in front of him.

I turned to look at Nicole again, but she was still turned toward her date, Shae. They were staring into each other's eyes. Shae was blushing slightly, but Nicole seemed perfectly comfortable with the extreme eye contact. I wondered if she did this with all the girls she slept with. I saw Nicole move her arm under the table and rest her hand on Shae's thigh. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, but I couldn't look away. I kept wondering what it would feel like to have Nicole look at me like that, like I was the only one in the room. What would it feel like to have Nicole's hand against my leg, not searching for anything or wanting anything from me but just as a comfort? What would it feel like to call myself Nicole's and to call her mine?  _Oh gosh._  I knew right then and there that this was going to be a long night.

\---

Nicole's POV:

I was trying not to notice Waverly during dinner. I was looking at Shae and Wynonna the whole time, focusing on what the two of them were saying. Waverly was relatively quiet, thank goodness, but I could still feel her beside me. We weren't touching, but there was an electricity that felt like it was radiating off of Waverly. When our pizzas came to the table, I chanced a glance at her. She was smiling at the waitress and thanking her for the refill of water that she was getting. Even though she was smiling, though, I could tell it was forced. She was fidgeting more than usual, so I followed her arm down to where she kept moving it. Champ's hand was between her legs, moving further and further up her thigh, and no matter how many times Waverly kept pushing it down, he wouldn't take the hint. I tried to ignore the sickness I felt in my stomach. I focused on Shae and the pizza that we were sharing. Shae worked in a local coffee shop. She was a medical student and strikingly beautiful. As much as I wanted to really like her, she wasn't Waverly. I smiled at her, treating her the same way I would any other one night stand. That's all she was, a distraction from Waverly and a fun way to spend the night or weekend.

By the time we all finished eating, I think Waverly had pushed Champ away at least a dozen times. She looked exhausted and annoyed when we all stood up.

"I don't understand why you don't want to have any fun," Champ grumbled under his breath, probably meant only for Waverly's ears.

"Not in public, and definitely not in front of my sister."

I smiled at Shae and told her I'd be a minute before I tapped Waverly on the shoulder.

"Do you mind waiting up with me for a minute?" I asked, all of a sudden feeling somewhat insecure.

"Sure. Champ, go walk with John Henry and Wynonna. I'll be there in a minute."

Champ looked annoyed and grumbled something under his breath, but he still complied and walked ahead.

"What's up?" Waverly asked, leaning back against our dinner table with another fake smile on her face.

"I just wanted to make sure that you were okay."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Waverly, I saw him. He was trying to feel you up even though you clearly didn't want him to. I just want to make sure you're okay."

Waverly looked down at her hands for a minute.

"I'm fine," she whispered, and I wondered who she was trying to convince.

"I'm right here if you need anything. You don't have to feel embarrassed about anything, not with me. Champ doesn't deserve you. I just want him to treat you right."

Waverly looked up at me with glistening eyes, and I felt that urge again to kiss her and show her love, something I didn't want to show anyone else. Then, she broke into a smile and laughed, a somewhat sad, broken laugh.

"Who knew my sister's best friend would want to help the annoying kid sister?"

"I don't think you're the annoying kid sister, Waverly. I think you're extraordinary..."

I hadn't meant to say that, at least not out loud. She looked bewildered; her brow furrowed, as if deep in thought. I cleared my throat before meeting her eyes again.

"You're extraordinary, and you deserve everything."

"We should get going. They're probably all waiting," Waverly changed the subject, blushing slightly as she walked toward the front door of the restaurant.

I followed behind her, wishing I could pull her back and keep talking to her, keep trying to make her smile.

\---

We drove in separate cars to the movie theater. Shae kept looking at me, as if she wanted to start a conversation, but all I could think about was Waverly. I couldn't believe I'd told her that she was extraordinary. It hasn't been a lie; it had been one hundred percent true, but I didn't know what she would think of me or my confession. I didn't want her to think I was freakish or crazy. I just wanted her to see how amazing she was. I wanted to make up for any exclusion I'd been a part of when we were little kids. If she'd only known how much I'd liked her, how much I'd been afraid of how she could make me feel when we were younger.

"You okay?" Shae asked, breaking the silence that filled the car.

"Yeah. Just tired. I guess I always feel tired after eating dinner."

It wasn't a total lie. I did have a habit of crashing after meals, but this time I felt wide away. This time, I was intoxicated with everything Waverly. I followed her Jeep down the street, noticing that Champ kept his arm draped around her even when she drove, like she was just a piece of his property on which he needed to stake claim.

"Well... you don't want to sleep through the movie," Shae purred, leaning closer to me than I'd normally like.

I gripped the steering wheel tighter in my hands and smiled a fake, thin-lipped smile.

"We're almost there," I mumbled, hoping to distract her from me.

Normally, I wouldn't mind her sitting so close. I liked one night stands; I was famous for them. Sex was just sex. It was fun, but it didn't really mean anything. As long as the girl was attractive and had an okay personality, I was perfectly happy to spend a night or a weekend with her. This time, I wasn't really feeling up to it. Maybe it was because I was stressed about working at the precinct. Maybe I was just worried about having to go home for Christmas this year and relive all of the bad memories from childhood, something I'd avoided every other Christmas since being in college. Regardless of how many scenarios I came up with, I knew in my heart that the reason I wasn't into Shae, the reason I didn't want her to touch me, the reason I felt uptight and uncomfortable was because the one person I'd ever wanted to love was completely off limits. She was my best friend's sister, and although he was an idiot and a pig, she had a boyfriend. Not to mention, she probably hated me because I'd never really been kind to her when we were kids. I hadn't been outright mean, but I'd never been a friend. I put the car in park, feeling Shae's lips on my neck immediately. I closed my eyes, wishing I could be at home by myself, wishing I could end this torturous date, wishing I didn't have to see Champ feel up Waverly again.

"Better get going before tickets are sold out," I sighed before opening the car door and hopping out.

Shae looked disheartened, but that didn't stop her from lacing her arm through mine and smiling at me. Champ had both of his arms wrapped around Waverly's waist, impairing her ability to walk without the front of his knees hitting the back of hers every few steps. When Shae and I passed them, I glanced at Waverly's face. She was rolling her eyes and sighing. What worried me, though, was how empty her gaze looked. She wasn't smiling, but she wasn't really frowning either. There was no emotion on her face.

\---

The theater was pitch black when we entered. Previews were just starting, and most people were already seated. We walked toward the back, hoping to sit far from other audience members. Wynonna led the way, followed by John Henry then Champ and Waverly. I had to climb over spilled popcorn buckets and other people's propped up feet, my feet sticking to the soda-covered floor, but I finally got to my seat, sighing as soon as I was resting on the plush pleather. Waverly was sitting to my right, and Shae was to my left. I took a deep breath, trying not to get annoyed or angry when I saw Champ's hand try to slip under Waverly's skirt again, his fingernails dragging on her thin, black tights. I was going to be sick. Waverly moved his hand down, telling him that she wanted to pay attention to the previews. He ignored her, as usual, only thinking about his own desires. After the third time she moved his hand away, I thought I was about to scream. The movie had just started, and Shae was trying to hold my hand, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Waverly. I knew she could take care of herself, but I wanted to make sure that she was okay.

"Champ, stop," Waverly hissed, pushing his hand away again.

"What's the point in having a girlfriend if she doesn't want to fool around?"

I rolled my eyes and scoffed to myself. Waverly deserved so much more than some movie theater quickie.

"Just not here," Waverly whispered, trying not to draw attention from Wynonna, who was sitting three seats away from her.

"Jeez you're a prude," Champ growled back, standing up and stretching, causing people behind us to complain.

"I'm getting a soda," he said before climbing over Waverly's legs and shoving past mine and Shae's.

The movie theater was quiet again once Champ had left.

"I think I'll use the bathroom," Shae whispered.

"Okay," I mumbled back, still trying to understand what Waverly was thinking, her face not giving any emotion away.

"You want anything from the food counter?"

"No, I'm fine," I mumbled again.

Shae stepped away, but I hardly noticed. I was too busy looking at the beautiful woman beside me, her face illuminated by the movie screen. I didn't want to pry or make her feel uncomfortable, so I stayed quiet, wishing that her hand would meet mine on our shared arm rest, wishing for some form of connection.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, so quiet I almost thought I was imagining her voice.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for."

"I'm sorry that he caused such a scene," she sighed, still looking straight ahead at the movie.

"That was his own fault, not yours."

"I'm embarrassed, though," she whispered, finally turning her face toward me.

Her eyes were shining with unshed tears, and her face was red, as if she were fighting back emotion.

"He's a jerk. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about. His behavior is his, it's a reflection of him, not you," I whispered back, holding eye contact with her.

I wanted to kiss her cheeks and wipe away the few tears that had managed to escape, but I couldn't do that, not here, not with our dates so close, not when that would confuse her and complicate everything. So instead, I moved my hand as close as I could to hers, our pinky fingers brushing against each other's, causing a fire to spread through my body.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

Waverly looked at me with large, beautiful eyes, and I swear she would've knocked me to my knees if I'd been standing.

_"Because I love you,"_ I thought to myself.

Champ cleared his throat behind me. He climbed over my legs and Waverly's, holding a huge bucket of buttered popcorn, a soda, and a package of Whoppers. Waverly's eyes didn't leave mine. I didn't have an answer for her, not one I was prepared to share with her at that moment.

"I care about you, Waves," I whispered so only she could hear.

For now, that had to be enough.


	8. Chapter 8

**Waverly's POV:**

Nicole's nails left marks along my back, forcing a moan out of my lips. Normally I'd be embarrassed about moaning so loudly, but with Nicole I didn't care. I was too distracted by the waves of heat that kept crashing between my legs. My legs wrapped around her waist, and my hips bucked up into hers, begging for contact.

"Waves," Nicole moaned against me before nibbling on my earlobe.

I could feel goosebumps rising on every piece of my skin that Nicole touched.

"You're beautiful," Nicole moaned while grinding her hips into mine.

I latched my lips onto her pulse point and tangled my fingers into the baby hairs at the nape of her neck. She slid my shirt over my head, kissing slowly up my abdomen and leaving marks on every piece of my skin. I felt my muscles tighten, begging for Nicole's touch. My fingers fumbled with the buttons of her shirt until I could shove the fabric away. Seeing that much of her made me moan even louder. She readjusted herself over me, so that she could straddle my thigh. I could feel just how wet she was, just how wet I was making her. Then, she slid her leg between my legs, pushing her knee against my core. I could feel myself getting closer and closer to a climax. I was going to come just from grinding into her.

"Nico-" I tried to say her name but was interrupted by another moan.

Her leg kept grinding, increasing the pressure until I knew I was about to fall apart. All I could do was stare into those beautiful, dark eyes.

A loud, obnoxious alarm woke me up with a start. My heart was thrumming in my chest, my forehead was covered in a light layer of sweat, and I could feel the wetness between my legs. My arm hung off the side of the bed, tingling with numbness, and my hair was covering my face in a mess of tangles.

"Jeez I'm glad I didn't have to wake up to that," Champ laughed from the doorway.

I groaned before hiding my face in one of the pillows on his bed. It didn't smell like I wanted it to. I wanted it to smell like lavender and eucalyptus, like Nicole's shampoo and body lotion. Instead, it reeked of men's ax body spray. Champ and I had come back from the movie together. I hadn't really wanted to stay at his place, but Wynonna and John Henry had commandeered our apartment for the night. Champ had tried to have sex with me, but I was annoyed after all of his attempts at PDA and exhausted, so I said I wouldn't. After that, he'd left for the night, probably to screw some other girl or play video games with his friends. Champ would never sleep in the same bed with a woman unless he knew there was going to be some action. I sighed, rolled out of bed, and slipped on the new shirt and pair of sweat pants that I'd packed in my purse. 

"You're leaving? I thought we could have some fun this morning, since you were such a prude last night."

I rolled my eyes and held back what I really wanted to say. Champ was just being an idiot, and I'd dealt with a lot of those before. 

"Champ, until you know how to treat a lady correctly, I don't think you'll be getting lucky any time soon." 

"Are you serious? Come on, Waves!"

"Don't call me that," I huffed, throwing my bag over my shoulder.

I moved passed him, out the door and down the stairs toward my Jeep. Once I finally got into the driver's seat, I let my head rest on the steering wheel. My head was pounding, and my heart still didn't feel like it was beating normally. That dream had been way to realistic. What had it even meant? I'd probably only had it because of all the mixed signals Nicole had been giving me over the past month or so. When I finally felt calm enough to drive, I put the car in reverse and drove back to my shared apartment with Wynonna, stopping at a coffee shop on the way. I hoped that John Henry had already left, not wanting to be surprised by any morning after scene that I might walk in on. I unlocked the door and walked into a relatively quiet apartment. John Henry's car wasn't parked outside, so I figured he must have left earlier. Wynonna was sleeping on the couch, hair covering her face and soft snores escaping her lips. I placed a coffee on the coffee table next to the couch and headed upstairs. 

I connected my phone to its speaker before turning on the shower and changing out of my clothes. Steam from the shower and Patsy Cline's voice filled the bathroom. My brain finally felt a little less full and jumbled. I let the hot water spill over my shoulders, soaking my hair fully. I tried to focus on the shower, on the warm water and the sweet smelling body wash I'd picked up from the store the other day. I used my coconut scented shampoo, and it mixed perfectly with the almond body wash. No matter how hard I tried to focus on that, though, I couldn't help but remember my dream with Nicole. I kept wondering how it would feel to shower with her, to have her work shampoo through my hair, to have her pressed up against me, to have her nails run along my scalp and back. I shook my head, hoping to physically shake those thoughts out of my brain. 

Nicole was the most off limits person I could possibly fantasize about. She was my sister's oldest and best friend; she was a huge player, sleeping with a different woman every weekend; and she had zero romantic feelings for me. I would always be Wynonna's kid sister. Nicole had told me that she cared about me, but I understood that she hadn't meant romantically. I couldn't kid myself. Nicole Haught would never like me. I tried to think about Champ, to fantasize about him instead, but it just made me feel sick. I didn't want him to touch me anymore. I didn't want anyone to touch me, no one would match up to my dream. 

I shut off the water, missing the warmth immediately and wishing that Nicole were with me, keeping me warm and making me laugh. I shook away the thought again, wrapping my hair in a towel. 

"Waverly!" Wynonna called from downstairs. 

I panicked for no reason, as if Wynonna could read my thoughts. My heart jumped into my throat, and I knew that my voice sounded shaky when I called back to her. 

"Are you okay?" she asked, now right outside of the bathroom door. 

"Yeah, you just scared me. I thought you were still asleep."

"Nope, Nicole just called," 

My heart fluttered at the mention of the redhead. 

"She wants to know if we want to meet at the gym and do some training."

I hardly ever worked out with Wynonna and Nicole. They were always doing police training exercises, and I was almost always at cheerleading practice. I couldn't even imagine how amazing Nicole would look while working out. I mentally argued with myself, wondering if seeing Nicole like that would be good for me or not. 

"Uhh..."

"Please, baby girl. We can get an early dinner afterwards together."

"Fine, I'll be ready in just a little bit."

I heard Wynonna texting outside the door, probably letting Nicole know that we were going to meet her at the gym. I pulled my bath robe around my shoulders and walked to my bedroom, wishing I wasn't worried about picking out a cute outfit for a stupid workout session. 

I settled on a tight pair of colorful leggings and a cropped crossfit tank top. I wanted to believe that I would have worn the same outfit if it were just Wynonna and me working out, but I knew that would be a lie. Despite Nicole being completely unavailable, I wanted to look good. I braided my hair and jogged down the stairs to the car. Wynonna was already outside, starting the car and yelling for me to hurry up. We headed towards the gym, music blaring out of the windows of the truck. 

Wynonna and I got along amazingly well for sisters; she'd been my built-in best friend since birth, but we were very different. An obvious difference was our taste in music. Wynonna played loud, pumping music, while I preferred older folk and country music, something my sister mercilessly teased me about. Uncle Curtis and I always listened to country music when he'd drive me to and from school as a kid. I guess I'd developed my taste in music from him. 

Just when I thought my ears might explode from Wynonna's music, we pulled into the gym parking lot. I instantly spotted Nicole, waiting for us at the front of the building, her hair pulled back into a ponytail. She was wearing a thin black tank top and a pair of blue running shorts, and honestly, I thought about dropping Wynonna off and heading back home. There was no way that I could spend two hours in a gym without checking her out in the most obvious way. 

"Ready?" Wynonna asked, clearly wondering why I wasn't hopping out of the car. 

"Uh... yep. Yes. Sorry." 

We walked towards Nicole. She hadn't yet noticed us, her attention focused on the passing cars and nearby runners. 

"Hey Haughtsauce!" Wynonna yelled, causing Nicole to immediately roll her eyes at her best friend. 

Nicole's eyes met mine, and although I didn't want to, I couldn't help but blush. She broke out into a huge smile, those beautiful dimples on display, just begging for me to place soft kisses there. 

"Hey, Waves." 

Her voice was soft and cheerful, and I wondered what it would be like to wake up to that every day. I didn't even mind the nickname when Nicole used it; in fact, it was growing on me. I smiled at her and waved, not trusting my voice to respond with a greeting. The three of us walked into the gym, dropping our bags off in the locker room  and heading into the weight room to begin our workout. We started with a dynamic warmup, just something to warm up and loosen up. Then, we spent forty-five minutes rotating through a few reps on different machines or with different weights. I tried to focus on my form instead of Nicole in the mirrors that lined the walls. It seemed extremely difficult, like I could feel every movement she made. like every movement was begging to be seen. Wynonna tried to carry the conversation, since the two of us were pretty quiet. 

"So Haughtshot, how was last night's lady?"

I cringed at the idea of Nicole and Shae sleeping together. 

"What?" Nicole asked, seeming caught off guard by Wynonna's question.

"You know... Shae? Was she a freak in the sheets?"

"Oh" Nicole chuckled softly, squatting a few more times before setting the barbell back on its rack. 

"What no details? Come on Haught!" 

"A lady doesn't kiss and tell," Nicole answered, blushing slightly before getting into a plank position. 

I tried to focus on my breathing, on my burning abdominal muscles, on anything other than Nicole's sex life. 

"Haught, you're always bragging about one night stands. Why aren't you talking about it?" 

I heard Wynonna gasp next to me and turned my head to see that she was gaping at Nicole. 

"You totally have feelings for Shae... actual feelings! You wouldn't be secretive if Shae were just another hookup!" 

Nicole just shook her head and laughed. I squeezed my eyes closed and willed the stop watch to reach 90 seconds sooner so I could stand up and pretend to need some water or something, anything to escape this conversation. 

"Time," Nicole alerted us, and we all dropped out of our planks. 

"Ohhh Xavier's here," Wynonna smirked, "I'll be right back, ladies. Just carry on without me." 

Nicole smiled at me before putting up some of our dumbbells. 

"You want to go upstairs to the combat area?" she asked, her eyebrow quirked up in an adorable way. 

"Sure," I answered, trying to sound happy despite all of the Shae talk. 

We walked up the stairs together, carrying boxing gloves and some practice combat weapons. Nicole kept talking about combat training being super fun as well as a great way to stay in shape. When we reached the next floor, we were the only ones up there. She dropped her bag on the floor and started to wrap her hands, only pausing once she noticed that I was standing there awkwardly. 

"Has Wynonna never boxed with you?"

"No, she usually gets distracted by other people at the gym. Plus, there isn't much hand-to-hand combat in cheerleading."

"I guess not," Nicole smiled another dimpled smile, sending my stomach into knots. 

"Here, I'll show you how to wrap your hands," Nicole said, reaching for the extra pair of wraps in her bag. 

She slipped my thumb in the small fabric loop before moving the fabric over my knuckles and between each of my fingers. Each time her fingers brushed against my skin, I felt shivers move along my spine. It was exhilarating being this close to Nicole. She showed me the proper stance for regular boxing and helped me throw a few punches and block and dodge some of hers. Each time I did something correctly, a beautiful smile would light up on her face, and I couldn't help but wonder why she was interested in spending so much time with me. She could have easily told me to do my own thing while she boxed. She probably would have gotten a better workout on her own. 

"Want to work with some of the weapons?"

"Uh... I'm not sure I can be trusted with any of those yet," I admitted. 

She laughed before shaking her head and smiling. 

"We won't spar or anything. I'll just show you how to grip and swing some of them."

Nicole was constantly helping me with my stance, criticizing when needed and complimenting regardless of how terrible I did. She was kind and constructive, and she was absolutely breathtaking. We worked for another thirty minutes before Wynonna came up to find us. 

"You two! I'm starving!" Wynonna called, waving her hand for us to come with her to change and go to dinner. 

We both smiled, piling everything back into Nicole's bag. 

"Thanks for this. I know I'm not the best, so I appreciate it," I smiled. 

"You're really a lot better than you give yourself credit for. I enjoyed it," she squeezed my hand. 

"Come on. My stomach is eating itself," Wynonna groaned from the staircase, already walking down toward the locker room. 

"Gosh she's in a hurry. I didn't even think she'd get up today after her night with John Henry," I mumbled, taking a sip from my water bottle. 

"Right, he stayed over. Did you get annexed to your room?"

"Wynonna asked for the house, so I stayed at Champ's."

I glanced at Nicole's face. It was rather unreadable, but I could've sworn I saw a glimmer of disappointment. 

"Champ," Nicole sighed.

"Well, Champ's  _place_. He didn't even stay, so it was a quiet night." 

"Mine too," Nicole nodded.

I highly doubted that. I'd seen the way Shae had hungrily looked at Nicole, and I'd seen the smirk that Nicole wore, when looking at Shae, all throughout dinner. Nicole smiled at me again, that dimpled smile that should be illegal. I couldn't help but wonder why she kept looking at me like that, like I was brightening her day. I hated the idea of Nicole spending the night with Shae, but I also realized that Nicole would only spend a night with Shae, maybe a weekend before moving on to the next girl. She'd spend days with me, albeit not romantically, at the gym, eating breakfast, or  having a movie night. We'd spent time together, telling stories, drinking way too much whiskey, making up jokes, and teasing Wynonna. As her friend, I would get to keep Nicole for years, not just for one night, and I wanted Nicole for years, even if that meant shoving my feelings down as much as I possibly could. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Nicole's POV:**

I didn't sleep with Shae. She was the first girl in months that I hadn't taken home after a date. Wynonna had been wrong though. I wasn't holding back information because I cared deeply about Shae. I was holding back information because I wasn't completely sure what it all meant, what me rejecting a beautiful med student's advances meant. Shae had told me she wanted to spend the night, but I'd said I was too tired to do anything and needed to get some rest before a workout session the next day. She'd seemed disappointed, but I knew I couldn't take her home with me and have sex with her while thinking about Waverly Earp. 

I'd come so close to telling Waverly exactly what I felt for her. I'd chickened out, though, and told her that I simply cared about her instead. That night, Shae had tried to kiss me goodnight, but all of a sudden even simple kisses seemed too intimate, too sacred, something I only wanted to share with the youngest Earp sister. Hers were the only pair of lips that I wanted to kiss. She was the one person I wanted to bring home, the one person I wanted to wake up next to in the morning. I kept trying to push those thoughts out of my head, to stop imagining what it would feel like to be Waverly Earp's whole world, but they just kept returning. 

Once I'd dropped Shae off at her apartment, I was left alone in a silent car. I took an extremely long route home, wanting to drive and figure out a way to organize and control my thoughts and feelings. Waverly was really off limits, but all of a sudden she was the only person I could think about. Sure, I'd had a crush on her for a while, but I'd had crushes on other people too. I'd always thought she was beautiful, since the day she smiled at me from her front porch, since the day we'd met as little kids, but she was straight, dating Champ, and Wynonna's little sister. I mashed my forehead into the steering wheel as soon as I pulled into my driveway. Of course, I'd have feelings for the most unavailable woman around.

I got into bed that night and stayed up, worrying about how Waverly was doing with Champ. I hated imagining his hands all over her. He was selfish and insatiable. Nothing about Waverly aside from her body interested him, and you could tell that just by watching them interact. I didn't want Waverly to lose any self worth because some guy didn't know how to love her properly. I smacked my hand against my forehead. Why on earth was I thinking about how to properly love Waverly? I didn't know how to love anyone properly, so I had no authority over any of this.

I finally fell asleep around 3:00am, giving me hardly five hours of sleep before my alarm went off. I had a feeling that the Earp sisters would be sleeping in, so I took it upon myself, as usual, to text Wynonna, wake her up, and motivate her to get to the gym. I invited her to bring Waverly along, really in the hopes that it would give Waverly a reason to get away from Champ but also because I was dying to see her again. After only a few hours, I felt like I hadn't seen her in months, like I was in withdrawal. I got dressed and ate breakfast way too quickly, so I had several hours to lie around the house and do nothing but think about her.

When I saw her at the gym, I had trouble keeping my eyes off of her. She wore a crop top and tight leggings that made it difficult for me to look away when she worked out next to me. After Wynonna left us, I felt nervous. I didn't trust myself to be alone with her without letting something slip about my feelings. So, I pretended to feel fine. I decided to show Waverly as much kindness as possible. If we could never be together, at least I could be friendly. I showed her the ropes with some of the combat training we had to do at the police academy, and she was a super fast learner. I always knew Wavelry was smart, but I had a feeling that she hid a lot of her intelligence from other people in order to fit in. I started to feel comfortable around Waverly, and I think I could've stayed in that gym with her for the rest of the day, but as usual, Wynonna showed up to move us along.

We showered in the gym shower room, so that we could go straight to dinner afterward instead of stopping by one of our houses. Clearly, I hadn't thought very far in advanced because I didn't realize that in order for all of us to shower in the shower room, we would have to be naked at some point. The showers stalls were separated by curtains, each stall consisting of a changing section and a shower section. I kept my eyes down, watching my shower shoes smack against the tile floor as I walked to the shower stall closest to the back wall. Once I was in the shower, I worked as quickly as I could to wash off before Waverly. I didn't want to see her in any form of undress, definitely not while Wynonna was in the shower stall right next to mine. I wrapped up in my towel and threw my shampoo and body wash into my bag before putting on a new bra and pair of underwear and pulling open the curtain. Even though I had undergarments on, I kept my towel wrapped around my body. I was confident in myself. I knew I looked good; I worked out regularly, and I ate healthily. Still, I always felt weird walking around the locker room without much clothing on.

"Oops, sorry," Waverly beamed at me.

She was standing in front of me in only a short towel, her hair still wet and her skin glowing. I must have looked like a total idiot, mumbling a sorry in return and blushing ferociously.

"Forgot my conditioner," Waverly commented happily.

I couldn't answer. All I wanted in that moment was to kiss her, to run my fingers through her hair, and to move her towel out of the way. I wanted to see all of Waverly, to appreciate every piece of her.

"See you in a bit," she smiled.

She stepped around me, clearly not letting my lack of social skills bother her or affect her mood. I walked toward my locker and pulled out the pair of jeans and the thin tank top that I planned to wear to dinner. I pulled my clothes on quickly, trying to forget about Waverly. I brushed my hair and slipped on some socks and sneakers before taking my bag and walking to the bathroom counter. I dried my hair for as long as possible, not wanting, but also definitely wanting, to see Waverly again.

"Ready?" Wynonna asked, shaking my shoulder.

"You guys don't need to use the hairdryer?"

"Nah, it takes too long. This girl's gotta eat," Wynonna motioned with her hand up and down her own body before leading the way out of the bathroom.

Waverly followed close behind in a pair of black skinny jeans, a pair of boots, and a lacy crop top. Why did she have to look so incredible? I kept my distance until we got to our cars.

\---

"Baby girl, sit next to Haughtshot. I need to stretch my legs out. Today was killer," Wynonna groaned, throwing her feet onto the booth next to her.

Waverly smiled softly before sitting next to me, way closer than I thought she would, in the diner booth. Her thigh brushed up against mine, and her fingers met mine for the briefest second before she reached across the table for a menu. My leg felt like it was being electrocuted in every place that Waverly's touched it. It took all of my strength not to stare at the girl next to me. Instead, I focused my attention on the menu and Wynonna, only turning to look at Waverly when she spoke.  

We ordered dinner rather quickly, all of us pretending to read the menu even though we always ordered the same meals. I was about halfway through my burger when Waverly's phone buzzed against my leg. 

"Sorry," she spoke softly. 

I watched her answer the phone, wondering who was calling and hoping it wasn't Champ. 

"What?" Waverly let out a ragged breath.

She stood up from the booth, pulling Wynonna by the arm and picking up her jacket. 

"We'll be right there, Gus." 

Waverly's eyes were starting to water, and I wondered what had happened in that one minute to ruin the calm atmosphere that the three of us had felt at the table. 

"It's gonna be okay," Waverly choked out before hanging up the phone and shoving it into her jeans' back pocket. 

She picked up her wallet and dug for money, while Wynonna and I stared at her in confusion. 

"Curtis is at the hospital. He had a heart- a heart," Waverly sobbed, unable to get out the full sentence, her voice breaking too heavily. 

Wynonna was up in a flash, her jacket already on and her car keys out. 

"I've got it, Waves," I said softly, placing my hand on hers so she'd stop digging for money to pay for Wynonna's and her dinner. 

"Thank you," Waverly choked out again before turning to the door and following Wynonna to the car. 

I pulled out my own wallet and put some money on the table, not really feeling like finishing my dinner. I pulled my jacket on and grabbed my bag, only deciding at the last minute to ask for go boxes and take our leftovers home. Knowing Wynonna, she'd come home starving tonight. I stopped by a liquor store and picked up some "emergency" whiskey, as Wynonna liked to call it, before driving to Wynonna's and Waverly's. Thankfully, Wynonna had given me a spare key, so I was able to go inside, put the food away, and set the whiskey on the kitchen counter. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to be there for both of them. I wasn't exactly sure what to do, so I just paced in the living room. 

After almost two hours, I decided to call one of them, and for some reason, I chose to call Waverly. I waited for her to pick up, knowing that she probably wouldn't but still wishing she would. I wanted to hear her voice, to make sure that she was okay. It felt like torture, not being able to be there for her and for Wynonna. 

"Sorry, I can't come to the phone right now. Just leave a message, and I'll get right back to you," Waverly's cheery voice automatically sounded through the phone. 

"Hey, Waves," I took a deep breath, not knowing exactly what I wanted to say. "I hope Curtis and Gus are okay." 

Gosh that was probably a stupid thing to say, but I kept talking, not feeling like deleting the message and starting again. 

"I wish I could be there for you and Wynonna. I'm at the homestead actually. I guess I just wanted to check in and let you know that if you need anything, I'm your girl. You know I love Curtis and Gus, and I'd do anything for them and for you and Wynonna, so just let me know if you need anything. Everything is going to be okay, Waves. I'll see you when you get home." 

I hung up the phone, mentally kicking myself for how stupid I sounded on the message. It was going to be a long night of waiting, so I grabbed a pair of Wynonna's sweatpants and curled up on the couch, pulling a blanket around my shoulders. After watching a movie and two episodes of some show on Home and Garden TV, my phone buzzed softly. I had to search for it under the blanket and some of the couch pillows, but when I pulled it up to look at it, my heart sank. It was a text message from Wynonna, simple and to the point. 

Wynonna: "He didn't make it. We need you to pick us up." 

My heart plummeted in my chest. I'd told Waverly that it would be okay, but this was the furthest thing from okay, and I wasn't prepared to see the betrayal that would inevitably be on her face. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Waverly's POV:**

As soon as I'd answered my phone at the diner and heard Gus' voice on the line, I'd known something was wrong. She'd sounded so broken and scared, so unlike the stern woman who'd raised me. The whole night had felt like a blur. Nicole had paid for our dinner, and while that gesture of kindness might have normally sent my heart fluttering, everything felt numb. Gus was a wreck when we entered the hospital, and since Wynonna was never the best at comforting others, I had to be the one to hold her in my arms and dry her tears. Wynonna talked to doctors, making sure that we were updated on Uncle Curtis' condition. He'd been taken into emergency surgery, and they weren't sure when they'd be finished.

Holding Gus in my arms made me feel even worse. This woman, who always had things under control and comforted me in times of need or struggle, was racked with sobs. I felt like there was nothing I could do to help her, so I just held her, running my hand up and down her back. After an hour or so, Gus stopped crying. Maybe she'd simply cried all of the tears that she had; maybe she was just too exhausted to cry anymore. Wynonna brought us some snacks and a few waters, anything to distract us from the fears that were spinning out of control in our brains.

"I'm going to step outside for a minute," I whispered to Wynonna after Gus had fallen asleep in one of the waiting room chairs.

Wynonna nodded, hardly taking her eyes off of the spot on the wall that had been captivating her for the past half hour.

When I exited the hospital, I finally felt like I could breath again. The wind was slightly chilly, and it woke me up from the numb stupor I'd been in since getting Gus' phone call. I leaned against the side of the building and closed my eyes for a second, hoping to think positively for a few minutes. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and looked down to see a new voicemail message. It surprised me to see Nicole's name pop up on my phone. Normally, she'd call Wynonna, and after our recent, awkward encounters, I figured she wouldn't really want to talk to me. I lifted the phone to my ear and felt my heart rate immediately increase at the sound of her soft voice.

"Hey, Waves. I hope Curtis and Gus are okay."

I couldn't help but smile at that nickname and her concerned voice. She was incredibly kind and thoughtful, and in that moment, I couldn't really remember why we hadn't gotten along as little kids. All I could think about was how much I wanted her to drive up right now and take me home, away from the hospital and all the tears, how much I wanted her to hold me and just talk, soothing me into a peaceful sleep.

"I wish I could be there for you and Wynonna. I'm at the homestead actually. I guess I just wanted to check in and let you know that if you need anything, I'm your girl."

My heart beat even faster when she said "I'm your girl." I could almost picture her dimpled smile when she said those words. I would have given anything to see her smile at that moment.

"You know I love Curtis and Gus, and I'd do anything for them and for you and Wynonna, so just let me know if you need anything. Everything is going to be okay, Waves. I'll see you when you get home." 

The voicemail ended, and I had an urge to replay it again and again. I immediately missed the warmth of her voice and worried about having to walk back into the hospital. I hoped she was right, that everything would be okay. I wanted Curtis to wake up, I wanted Gus to cry tears of joy, and I wanted to drive home where Nicole Haught was waiting. Instead, when I entered the hospital, Gus was sobbing again, this time in Wynonna's arms. Wynonna had tears slowly sliding down her cheeks, and I knew that the worst had happened. I ran to them both, forgetting about Nicole's calming voice and the peace I'd just felt as soon as I saw their faces.

**Nicole's POV:**

I ran out of the house in the sweats and t-shirt that I'd been lounging in, not wanting to take any extra time to change or put on shoes. Wynonna had texted me just a few minutes earlier, saying that Curtis hadn't made it. She was going to drive Gus back to their childhood home and wanted me to pick up Waverly. Apparently, Wynonna thought it would be best for Waverly to stay at their new house with me for the night, since Waverly would probably push herself to take care of Gus if they were together. I wasn't totally sure that I followed her logic, but I didn't want to make anything more difficult on Wynonna, and I wanted to be there for her and Waverly.

I jumped into my car and raced to the hospital, just hoping that there weren't any police officers patrolling at this time of night. When I got to the hospital, I threw the car into park. Wynonna, Gus, and Waverly were walking out of the hospital. Wynonna led Gus toward Waverly's Jeep, helping her climb into the passenger seat. All three of the women were crying, Gus sobbing outwardly, while the two younger women silently wiped away tears. Waverly was looking down at the pavement and probably saw my bare feet before knowing it was me. When she looked up at me, her eyes looked absolutely empty.

"Thanks for coming, Nicole. Waverly, she's gonna drive you back home. We'll all meet at Gus' house tomorrow for breakfast, but I think right now you should just go home and try to sleep," Wynonna spoke softly after shutting the passenger side door with Gus inside the car.

Waverly looked frustrated, not fully knowing who to glare at, Wynonna or me. She settled on Wynonna.

"Wynonna, I'm not a baby anymore, and I deserve to be a part of this. It's my family too, and I need to be there for Gus."

"And you will be, baby girl. I just want you to get rest tonight. Tomorrow is going to be a really difficult day, and I need you well rested for Gus."

I could see Waverly thinking, maybe even letting her exhaustion convince her to relent.

"Please, Waverly," Wynonna pleaded softly before brushing Waverly's tears off her face.

"Fine, but first thing tomorrow, I'll be there."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

I handed Waverly my keys and told her that I'd be there in a minute. To my surprise, she simply took the keys and walked away. Normally, Waverly would be more insistent about being involved or included. It worried me to see Waverly so complacent and quiet.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked Wynonna, realizing that the woman in front of me didn't have anyone looking out for her the way she was trying to look out for her little sister.

"You know me," she shrugged.

"That didn't answer my question, and I do know you. I know that you put on a good show but you feel just as many emotions as the rest of us."

I reached out and pulled Wynonna into a hug, feeling the woman break down slightly in my embrace. Her shoulders shook for a minute, and her breathing became ragged. As quickly as she broke down, though, she put herself back together.

"I'll be fine. Come by Gus' tomorrow with Waverly. I know she'll need the company."

"Text me if you need anything," I insisted, squeezing her hand lightly.

"Will do."

I watched Wynonna drive out of the hospital parking lot before getting into my own car. Waverly was in the passenger seat, facing away from me, her forehead pressed against the window.

"Waves?" I couldn't tell if she was awake or not.

She turned to look at me for a second, her eyes about to spill even more tears down her cheeks.

"Just drive, Nicole. Please."

Her voice sounded absolutely broken, so I did exactly what she asked of me. I drove out of the parking lot and toward home. We sat in silence the whole trip, aside from an occasional sniffle from the passenger side of the car and the hum of the engine. When I pulled into the driveway, neither of us made a move to get out of the car.

"Thanks," Waverly mumbled through the dark car.

"You don't need to thank me."

Waverly nodded softly before getting out of the car. We walked into the house, and she immediately went upstairs. I tried to give her space. I washed and dried all the dirty dishes in the kitchen. There was some recycling and trash that needed to be taken out, so I did that. I even fluffed pillows in the living room in a very weak attempt to stop worrying about the brunette upstairs. Finally, I decided to check on her, at least peek into her room and make sure that she was okay and breathing.

When I got to her bedroom door, I couldn't hear anything. I opened it just slightly and could see the outline of her in bed, her chest rising and falling rhythmically. Before I even had time to close the door and head back downstairs though, I heard her voice.

"Nicole."

It sounded broken and raw, something I never wanted to hear from Wavelry Earp. I squinted through the dark room, wishing I could see her facial expression.

"Waves? Do you need anything?"

"Come here," she whispered, her voice shaky and tired.

I walked carefully through her room, not wanting to trip over her discarded purse or shoes. Not knowing what I should do, I awkwardly sat on the edge of her bed, finally able to see her face. Her hair was spread out across her pillows, and her cheeks were red and splotchy. She'd clearly been crying since walking into the house. Upon instinct and without any second thought, I reached out and brushed a few loose strands of hair behind her ear.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without him," she whispered as more tears slipped down her face.

"Waves, I'm so sorry."

"He was the closest thing I had to a father, and I don't think he knew how much he mattered to me, how much-"

Her voice broke into a sob, and I waited patiently for her to finish her thought, running my hand up and down her arm in what I hoped was a soothing way.

"I don't think he knew how much I loved him, how much I wanted to be like him, how much he inspired me."

"He knew, Waverly. I saw you with him. You were his pride and joy. Every time I came by to pick up Wynonna, you were always hanging out with Curtis. I remember you doing work on the farm with him or riding in his truck and listening to music with him. You were as much a daughter to him as he was a father to you."

Waverly closed her eyes, letting a few more tears slip down her face. Her right hand found mine and laced our fingers together.

"He's the reason for my taste in music."

"What? All the old country music?" I teased, hoping to make her smile.

She laughed softly before shaking her head.

"It's not that old, and it's really good if you give it a chance."

"Maybe you can introduce me to it soon," I responded, running my thumb over the knuckles of her right hand.

We sat in silence for a few more minutes before I tried to stand up. I didn't want to bother her or overstay my welcome. Instead of letting me leave, though, Waverly held onto my hand tightly and looked up at me with large, tear soaked hazel eyes.

"Will you stay?" she asked, lifting her quilt up and scooting over in bed.

My heart started beating rapidly in my chest. I nodded, knowing that if I answered verbally, my voice would betray me. I climbed into bed next to her, noticing just how close we were once I'd relaxed into the pillows. Our noses could have easily touched if I'd scooted even an inch closer. For a long time, I faced her, hoping to memorize every detail of her face. She spoke softly about Curtis, some funny memories and others heartfelt but all happy. I loved the way her eyes shined when she spoke about him. When she grew tired of talking, we faced each other in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. I felt calm, listening to her breathing steadily and softly.

"Thank you for your message," Waverly whispered.

My eyes met hers in the dark. So she had listened to my voicemail.

"It was really sweet," she added, probably concerned about my lack of response.

"I meant what I said. I am here for you, no matter what."

Waverly moved closer to me, wrapping her arm around my waist and burying her face into the crook of my neck. At first, I felt tense, but after a few moments, I relaxed into her embrace. I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her into me. She smelled like coconut and almond, and I couldn't help but think that I wanted to fall asleep like this every night. My hand absentmindedly traced up and down her back. One of her legs moved over mine, as if she wanted to be even closer to me, which I wasn't totally sure was possible. I wasn't a cuddler. I never cuddled with one night stands. I couldn't remember the last time I'd ever held anyone like this. I guess, I'd always just thought cuddling was pointless. I'd always preferred to sleep on my own, but with Waverly, it felt safe and comfortable. I pulled her against me, knowing that I would fall asleep any minute.

"Good night, Nicole," she whispered sleepily, her lips brushing against my neck and sending shivers down my spine.

I pretended to already be asleep. I couldn't answer her, not without my voice shaking and completely giving away all of my feelings, feelings I hadn't even come to terms with yet.


	11. Chapter 11

**Nicole's POV:**

I woke up to Waverly Earp in my arms, her long hair spread across my chest. I could smell her coconut scented shampoo, and I had this urge to bury my face against her, to get even closer to her. One of her legs was thrown over my thighs, and her left hand rested against my stomach. Her lips were flush against my neck, and I wondered if she woke up whether she would be able to feel how fast my pulse was because of her. I could deny my feelings for Waverly hundreds of times. I could tell Waverly that I was drunk or felt nothing, that she wasn't my type. In moments like this, though, there was no denying that I was falling for her, that I had been falling for her since the moment I met her at age nine, that she would absolutely be the death of me. There was no denying that this beautiful woman in my arms, sleeping next to me, was the reason I hadn't slept with Shae. Waverly made me want to be better for her. I riskily ran my fingertips up and down her spine, feeling her burrow even closer to me and hearing her sigh in contentment. I wanted every morning to be like this, but I knew it couldn't. Wynonna would freak out, and Waverly still had Champ. She liked Champ, and I had to respect that. I'd woken up to the best feeling in the world, but it was quickly morphing into a feeling of guilt and dread. Curtis had just died last night, and I was selfishly thinking about a very impossible relationship with Waverly. I tried to move her hand off of my stomach, but her fingers gripped my t-shirt. I sighed, feeling a soft smile creep its way onto my lips. Of course Waverly would make this difficult. I looked to my left. The clock on Waverly's desk read 11:20am. We really did need to get up and head over to be with Wynonna and Gus. I didn't want Waverly to feel left out or guilty when she woke up. I was able to slide my legs out from under hers and off of the bed, but Waverly's hand still wouldn't let go of my shirt. I kneeled next to the bed, tucking strands of hair behind Waverly's ear. There was nothing I wanted to do more than crawl back into bed with her, tell her everything I was feeling, and beg for her to feel the same way. I couldn't do that, though, especially not today. She needed me to be her rock today, and if Waverly Earp needed me, I would do anything she needed.

"Waves," I whispered, hoping to wake her up peacefully. 

She sighed moving closer to my voice, as if looking for the warmth I'd provided when I'd been in bed with her. 

"Baby, you've gotta wake up," I whispered, not even realizing what I was saying until after I'd said it. 

_Baby._ I was glad Waverly was asleep and hadn't heard my slip up. I ran my fingers through her hair gently, looking out for any small knots or tangles. Her lips were soft and relaxed, and I could just imagine how it would feel to lean forward and capture them while she was so calm. I wouldn't though, especially not since our last kiss had ended so awkwardly. It wasn't a kiss I would take back necessarily. I'd enjoyed the kiss, loved the kiss even. It was one of the best kisses I'd had in my life, but it wasn't the way I'd ever wanted to kiss Waverly Earp for the first time. I always imagined awkwardly asking for permission to kiss her, waiting for her nod of approval before leaning down to meet her lips with mine. I'd imagined softly taking her lips in mine and slowly kissing her, giving us time to actually enjoy the kiss. Instead, our first kiss was passionate and overwhelming, something neither of us would forget but something neither of us could clearly remember either. 

A soft hand wrapped around my wrist, causing my heart to almost leap out of my chest. I looked down and saw her large, hazel eyes staring at me. Her hand was still holding my shirt, just not as tightly. I removed my hand from her hair immediately, feeling a scorching blush creep along my cheeks. 

"I can't believe he's gone," Waverly whimpered before squeezing her eyes shut, not fast enough to keep a few tears from escaping. 

I felt a surge of guilt for having thought about kissing Waverly. I should've been thinking about how much she'd be grieving when she woke up. I should have been preparing to say something comforting. Instead, I'd let my desire control my thoughts. I couldn't come up with any words to say to Waverly. Waverly was the talker of our little group. Wynonna and I had always stayed quiet and allowed Waverly to speak to adults on all of our behalves. I tried to think of a comforting sentence or phrase, something that didn't sound patronizing, something that conveyed the grief I was feeling too. No words came to mind, so instead of speaking, I crawled back into bed and sat in front of her, my legs criss crossed. I moved my hands into hers and pulled her up into a sitting position. Her eyes opened again, bloodshot and full of tears. She looked confused and surprised at my action. I ran my thumb along her forehead in an attempt to smooth the wrinkles from her brow. Then, I pulled her closer to me and wrapped my arms around her waist. Waverly seemed tense at first, not used to being this close to me, but then her body started to relax. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders, and her hands gripped my t-shirt, bunching it up, so that I could feel the cool air hitting my now bare lower back. Her body was shaking with soft sobs, and I could feel her tears soaking into the shoulder of my t-shirt. My own eyes were burning with unshed tears, but I tried to hold them in, instead focusing on my breathing. I ran my hand up and down Waverly's back until she'd shed all the tears she could at that moment. Even when she'd become quiet, she kept holding onto me, and who was I to let go of her, to take away that comfort? 

"Nicole," she whispered after what seemed like hours of silence. 

"Waves," I whispered back, squeezing my arms around her once more before leaning back to look into her eyes. 

"Thank you," she smiled, a broken, half-hearted smile. 

"You don't need to thank me. There's nowhere else I'd want to be."

"I guess we should go to Gus' place," Waverly stated, untangling her legs from mine and sliding her feet onto the floor. 

I nodded, forcing myself to get up too. 

"I think I'll shower," Waverly whispered, her voice sounding shakier than it had a few seconds ago. 

"I'll borrow Wynonna's clothes and wait downstairs."

I squeezed Waverly's hand before leaving her room. I knew more than anyone that grief came in small bursts. At the age of nine, I'd lost both parents, and I could remember crying at the most random moments. Everything was triggering. Some things made my whole body ache with the longing to be taken care of by people who I'd never again get to see, and others would make me burn with rage at being left on my own. Waverly, Wynonna, and Gus would need to be taken care of, and while there wasn't anything I could do to stop the pain or the anger, I could be there when they needed to be held or listened to without judgement or question. 

I grabbed my bag from downstairs and carried it up to Wynonna's room. I pulled on a pair of my jeans that I'd been wearing the day before and borrowed one of Wynonna's band t-shirts. I pulled out a pair of Wynonna's jeans, an extra t-shirt, and a change of underwear and socks for Wynonna, just in case she needed or wanted to change. I could hear Waverly in the shower, and as much as it pained me to think about, I was sure that she was using this time alone to break down without fear or embarrassment. All I wanted to do was open the door and hold her in my arms, convince her that she would make it through this moment. Instead, I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. I picked up a few snacks and some of the produce that was on the kitchen counter and put it all in a paper grocery bag. No one would want to stop by the grocery store, so having food at Gus' would be helpful. I picked up my phone and dialed a Chinese restaurant between us and Gus'. I ordered a ton of food, not knowing exactly what everyone would want and feeling confident that leftovers would be welcome at this time. 

By the time I'd ordered the food and placed my bags near the door, Waverly was at the bottom of the stairs. She was wearing her baggier pair of light blue jeans, the bottoms cuffed twice, revealing a pair of red sneakers. Her arms and waist were swallowed by a navy blue, almost black sweater that made her skin look paler in contrast. Her eyes were red and watery, and her hair was still stringy and wet. I smiled at her, hoping to give her even the smallest amount of comfort. She reached forward and took my hand in hers. 

"Ready to go?" I asked. 

She nodded in response, probably unsure of her voice's ability to answer without shaking or breaking. I leaned down and picked up my bag and the grocery bag before pulling Waverly toward the door. She locked the door behind us while I put the bags in the car and opened her door. I backed out of the driveway, my hand resting on the console just in case she needed to hold onto it again. For a while, she just looked out the window, silently watching the scenery. I tried to drive calmly and quietly, but it was hard to watch the road and Waverly at the same time. I watched the way she spun her gold ring around and around her finger, a nervous habit she'd had ever since she started wearing jewelry at the age of eleven. She kept pressing her lips together or biting her bottom lip in concentration, and I wanted to reach out and trace her lips with my finger until she relaxed into my touch. Her left hand kept sliding through her damp hair every few minutes, as if trying to dry it before getting to her childhood home. We stopped to pick up the food that I'd called in. Waverly waited in the car, while I ran inside. I nervously watched her through the restaurant's huge windows. She just sat there, staring out the passenger side window, as if frozen in time. The rest of the drive seemed longer than usual. It usually took an hour or an hour and a half to get to our childhood town, but for some reason it felt longer. The traffic seemed worse. Waverly's phone started buzzing in the cup holder between us. I glanced down and saw the name  **Champ**  on her screen. I tried not to roll my eyes. Instead, I looked at the traffic ahead of me and took a deep breath. Waverly didn't seem to care about Champ or his phone call. She reached forward and declined the call, turning her phone around, so that she couldn't see the screen anymore. I wanted to smile. I felt like smiling, like laughing and spilling all of my feelings to Waverly. I kept it in, though, the smiles and the feelings. Waverly needed someone strong and calm, not emotional and childish. Waverly needed a friend, not a girlfriend. She probably didn't even want a girlfriend; she was straight. In the middle of all of my thoughts, I felt her hand slide into mine on the console. Her skin was soft and smooth, and her hand was slightly cold, like her hands always were. I rubbed my thumb over her knuckles and smiled at her. 

"Nicole," Waverly paused, as if in thought, "I don't think I can do this."

I took my eyes off the road and turned toward her for a brief moment, waiting for her to elaborate. 

"I don't think I can comfort them."

"You don't have to, Waves. You're all allowed to grieve together. You don't need to take care of anyone but yourself." 

"I don't think I can put Uncle Curtis in the ground. I don't know how to do this without him."

I knew she was talking about more than just the funeral and the grieving. When she said  _this_ , she meant life. She didn't know if she could do this, if she could live life without him. I knew the feeling well, first when my parents died and again when my grandmother died a couple years ago. 

"You don't have to do this by yourself. You aren't alone," I said softly, hoping she could hear how serious I was about being by her side through all of this. 

I kept running my thumb over the back of her hand, knowing that there was nothing more I could say to make this easier. I could only keep holding her hand and keep her tethered to this world, to this moment with me. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Waverly's POV:**

I felt raw, empty. My eyes burned from crying all night, and simply breathing felt labored. The only thing that felt constant and safe was Nicole's hand in mine. She hadn't let go of it the whole car ride, and she was still holding mine as we sat in her parked car in front of Gus' house.

"Thank you," I whispered, my voice breaking from lack of use and crying.

"You don't need to thank me, Waves. I'll always be here for you. For all of you."

Nicole smiled softly, shyly from the driver's seat.

"I guess we have to go inside," I mumbled, forcing myself to let go of Nicole's hand.

I missed the softness and warmth of her hand immediately. I stepped out of the car and turned to watch her. She got out of the car too, but it seemed as though her eyes never left my face, like she was still making sure that everything was okay. I tried to smile at her, even though I knew that it came across as a halfhearted grimace. She reached for my hand again when we met at the front of the car, giving it a gentle squeeze before we walked up the front porch. I handed her the take-out bag and opened the door, worrying about what I'd find, but the house was quiet.

"I'm gonna put some things in the kitchen. Lunch will probably have to be warmed up again, so I'll work on that," Nicole mumbled.

I nodded slightly, knowing that I'd have to find Wynonna and Gus on my own. I climbed the stairs in Gus' house, skipping the third step since it squeaks. As a little kid, I'd been caught sneaking out of the house a number of times because of that step. It wasn't that I wanted to sneak out or go to parties. Most of the time, I'd just wanted some air, some space to breath. Gus and Curtis had insisted that it was too dangerous to be outside after dark. I ran my hand along the banister, the one I'd grown up sliding down, the one I'd used to balance myself after getting drunk at my first high school party with Wynonna, the one I'd used to ground myself on every anniversary of my father's and Willa's deaths. The door to my childhood room was slightly ajar, just as I'd left it when I moved in with Wynonna. A soft light came through the window and spread across my bed and desk. Wynonna's room was as messy as ever. The light was off, but the curtains were closed, so there was no soft light illuminating the room like in mine. I tiptoed to the bed, but Wynonna was missing, and the sheets didn't look like they'd been slept in. Gus' door was closed, something I'd hardly seen growing up in this house. I quietly turned the knob and peeked inside, the light from the hallway filtering into the room and landing on Gus, snoring in Wynonna's lap.

"She was up almost all night," Wynonna whispered through the darkness.

A pang of guilt washed over me. While I'd been at home, sleeping in Nicole's arms, Wynonna had been here, holding our sobbing aunt and not getting any rest.  
"I should've been here," I shook my head.

"I'm glad you're here now, and I'm glad you got to sleep."

I walked into the room and helped Wynonna out of bed, situating Gus more comfortably on her pillow and pulling Wynonna towards the door.

"Nicole and I picked up food."

"Nicole's here?"

"Of course she is. Where else would she be?"

Wynonna smiled softly, but it didn't last long. We walked down to the kitchen, where Nicole was pulling plates out of the cabinet and humming softly. I put some groceries away, letting Wynonna have a moment with her best friend. I could tell they were speaking in hushed voices, probably Nicole making sure that Wynonna was okay after spending the night here. As much as I wanted to be the person that Wynonna could talk to, I knew that she needed Nicole, that Nicole was a sister to her too. I used to be jealous of that, but I was starting to realize that I needed Nicole too.

My mind zoned out, and before I knew it, I'd put all the groceries away, brewed coffee, and cleaned the counters and kitchen table. A soft hand moved to the small of my back.

"Waves, you want to eat some lunch in the living room with us?"

I looked up to see that Wynonna was no longer in the kitchen. Nicole was standing beside me with concern etched on her face. She was holding a plate of food, and her hand was rubbing circles on my back, the revealed skin on my lower back tingling every time her fingers brushed over the gap between my cropped top and jeans.

"Sure," I mumbled.

I let Nicole lead me into the living room. Wynonna was on the phone with someone, discussing a service and a wake that we'd need to have for Uncle Curtis. I ate silently, wishing that all of this could be a really bad dream. Nicole sat close to me, almost like she could feel the anxiety that I felt. Her thigh pressed against mine, and every few bites, she would smile softly at me.

"I think we're going to have the wake tomorrow and the funeral on Sunday," Wynonna announced after ending her phone call.

"Okay," I mumbled, not knowing what else to say.

We sat in silence again, the only noise in the room being Wynonna's fork moving against her plate.

"You want any coffee?" I asked, hoping to busy myself in the kitchen.

Wynonna shook her head no, but Nicole must have seen the pleading in my eyes because she nodded and smiled. I walked to the kitchen, carrying my plate and Nicole's to the sink.

"Since when do you like coffee?" I heard Wynonna ask Nicole.

"It's a new thing," Nicole muttered.

I couldn't help but smile at how shy and adorable Nicole sounded. I poured her a cup of coffee and placed it on a small tray with a small pitcher of creamer and the sugar bowl. I poured myself a cup too and carried the tray back into the living room. We sat in silence again. Nicole kept adding more sugar to her coffee, and I realized that there was absolutely no way that Nicole Haught could like coffee. She smiled at me every few sips, as if trying to convince me that the bitter coffee, masked by six spoonfuls of sugar, was the best thing she'd ever tasted. We all looked toward the ceiling when we heard the floorboards squeak. Gus was up and moving, and I couldn't decide whether that relieved me or not. On the one hand, I wanted to talk to her and be there for her, but on the other hand, I knew that sleep was the only escape she had from all of the grief. I didn't want her to wake up to new waves of grief, like I was sure she was dealing with upstairs.

"I should go see if she needs anything," I said and stood up, leaving Nicole and Wynonna to finish eating. 

I poured Gus a large mug of coffee, knowing that she always drinks it without cream or sugar. I walked up the stairs, this time letting the third step creak so that Gus would know I was going to join her. When I opened her bedroom door, my heart broke. The woman who'd always been there for me, the strict disciplinarian who'd grounded me multiple times, the rigid but big hearted guardian who'd taught me to love openly, the aunt who willingly took in her traumatized nieces, knowing that it would be a full time job, now looked completely broken. Her eyes didn't light up when I opened the door. I couldn't even tell if she recognized that she was no longer alone in her bedroom. I placed her coffee on the bedside table and kneeled on the floor in front of Gus' legs. 

"Waverly," she whispered, her voice breaking in the middle of my name. 

Tears filled both of our eyes, and her hands tightened around my fingers, as if they were the only thing tethering her to reality. All of a sudden, I was five years old again, losing my family and watching the adults in my life fall apart. 

**Nicole's POV:**

Waverly had been upstairs for hours, coming down only once to take some food upstairs to Gus. The house was too quiet again, so I turned the TV on and adjusted the volume to its lowest setting. Wynonna was nursing yet another glass of whiskey, and I knew it wouldn't be long before she chose to simply drink out of the bottle. I'd seen her like this before, almost every anniversary of her father's death since she was sixteen and learned how to sneak alcohol from the liquor cabinet. It was her way of grieving. She needed to get drunk, to let herself feel her emotions. It wasn't dangerous, and she never tried to drive while drunk. She just needed to escape, to grieve somehow. I bent down to help her out of her shoes, knowing that she'd pass out later on tonight. 

"You don't have to do that," she muttered. 

"I know I don't, but it's kind of my thing."

"What? Taking off other people's shoes?"

"No. Taking care of you." 

Wynonna stared at me before tipping her glass toward me in a kind of toast and taking another sip. 

"It isn't me you should be worried about anyway," Wynonna sighed after a long stretch of silence. 

I could smell the alcohol on her breath, and I could tell by the way her eyelids fluttered that she probably wouldn't remember this conversation in the morning. 

"What do you mean?"

"Waverly's the one people should be watching out for."

"Why do you say that?"

"Everybody always watches me, waits for me to spiral or go off the deep end. No one ever watches Waverly. They don't think that anything could happen to her because she's so happy and bubbly, because she takes care of everyone else. She's the one who breaks though. She's the one who will bury everything until she can't carry it any longer. She was so little when she lost everyone: Mama, Willa, Daddy. You should've seen her. A five year old, trying to make everyone around her happy, trying to make everyone else feel better. Everyone looked after me and checked on me, the crazy daughter, the lunatic. They didn't notice that Waverly spent the rest of the night vomiting in the bathroom because she couldn't process what had happened to her family, what she'd seen happen to her daddy." 

"Waverly isn't five years old anymore, though," I commented, hoping to calm Wynonna's worries. 

"But she's still my baby sister, and she'll keep herself busy, taking care of everyone else."

Just as I predicted, Wynonna pulled the bottle of whiskey off the coffee table and handed me her glass. She took a long drink from the bottle. 

"Mama used to call Waverly her angel," Wynonna whispered, so quiet that I could hardly hear. 

I turned to face her. Tears were slowly making their way down Wynonna's cheeks. 

"Willa was always Daddy's daughter. She was so hard and so harsh, just like him. And as much as I hate to say it, I take after Mama. The drinking, the sarcasm, the craziness, they're all from Mama. Waverly was always different. She wasn't Ward's or Michelle's. It was like she belonged to everyone else, like she belonged to the world, like she was born for everyone else. Sometimes Waverly tries to hard to be there for everyone else, though. She isn't there for herself. She doesn't take care of herself." 

Wynonna lay her head in my lap, and I ran my fingers through her hair. I felt Wynonna's tears soak through my jeans. I held her until her breathing slowed down and became regular, and even then, I stayed still and let her sleep. 

"I'll take care of her," I whispered. "I'll take care of both of you."

It was a silent promise, not one I was ready to say to a conscious Wynonna, not one I could tell Waverly without scaring her away. I was safe to whisper it at 2:00am in Gus' living room. I turned the TV off. The house was silent, only creaking every now and then the way old houses do when the winds pick up speed outside. I felt safe on that couch, my best friend's head in my lap, her mind hopefully at ease in a pleasant dream. I felt calm knowing that the woman who commanded all of my thoughts was upstairs with Gus, sound asleep. I knew that I'd sit up and watch out for the three of them for the rest of my life if I had to. They were as much my family as any blood relative. I breathed deeply, leaning back into the cushions, and listened to the winds whistling against the thin windows. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Nicole's POV:**

The crowd in Shorty's was suffocating. Everyone in Purgatory was paying their respects to Curtis and his family. Waverly, needing to keep busy, volunteered to work behind the bar and serve drinks. Wynonna volunteered to drink said drinks, and I found myself wandering back and forth from the two Earp sisters, waiting for one of them to break down. Gus shook hands with everyone and accepted hugs and condolences. She looked better than she had yesterday. She looked stronger.

"Do you need anything to drink?" Waverly asked me softly.

"No thanks, I think I should be designated driver for you guys."

"You want a coke?" she asked, the first hint of a smile on her face that if seen in days.

"That'd be good."

I watched Waverly move behind the counter. She moved with ease and grace, the kind of grace you only have when you're familiar with something. She's worked behind that bar all through high school, delivering non-alcoholic drinks and food to patrons. She'd worked almost every day right beside Curtis. I couldn't help but wonder if it was hard for her to be back there without him, if it was lonely. She placed the coke down in front of me.

"Thank you," I smiled, reaching out for her hand on top of the counter.

She didn't flinch or pull her hand away. Instead, she watched my fingers move over hers before looking up at me again. I swore I saw something in her eyes, some sort of understanding or recognition, like maybe she finally understood that I did care about her, that I was falling for her. I felt her hand move under mine, turning over so that our fingers could intertwine.

"Baby!"

My whole body flinched. Waverly stopped moving her hand, and I regretfully pulled mine back to my side of the counter, immediately missing the feeling I got when we touched. Champ flipped the counter partition up and walked behind the bar, wrapping his arms around Waverly until she looked uncomfortable. 

"Champ," Waverly muttered through his bone crushing embrace. 

I could see Waverly's eyes slowly filling with tears again, grief washing over her unexpectedly. 

"Baby, baby. It's ok. I'm here," Champ cooed between wet kisses. 

He kissed the side of her face over and over, and no matter how much I wanted to walk away, it was like I secretly wanted to punish myself. I couldn't move my feet away from the bar. Waverly's eyes seemed to glaze over and stare past my head at the bar door. I finally found my footing and stepped back from the counter. Her hand moved out towards mine, as if she wanted to stop me, but then she recoiled, Champ's hands still running up and down her arms and torso. I smiled softly, wishing I could take her hand in mine, wishing I had any right to push Champ away. She stared back at me, and I pulled my eyes away, searching the room for Wynonna. 

"Is that Champ?" Wynonna scoffed as soon as I sat beside her in the booth. 

"Unfortunately," I muttered, and she passed me the bottle of whiskey she'd swiped from the counter. 

I shook my head and lifted my coke to my lips, trying to look at anything other than the couple behind the counter. 

"Gus looks okay today," I commented.

"Yeah, she's tough," Wynonna agreed, swallowing another mouthful of alcohol. 

"So are you."

Wynonna looked at me, her eyes somewhat unfocused from the buzz I'm sure she was experiencing. 

"So is Waverly," I added.

She nodded before taking another drink, emptying the bottle in front of her. 

"We'll get through it. We're Earps."

"I thought Gus was your mom's sister, a Gibson."

"Gibson, Earp what's the difference really?" Wynonna slurred slightly, leaning back into the booth's smooth leather. 

We watched people in the saloon interact. Shorty was passing drinks and food out to people seated at tables, Gus was constantly talking to someone, Waverly had finally moved out of Champ's reach and was talking orders from Shorty. Suddenly, an old song started playing through the speakers. 

"Patsy Cline, of course," Wynonna muttered next to me. 

I turned to see her smiling softly before I remembered what Waverly had said about the music she and Curtis both loved. I spun in my seat to see if she was okay. Waverly had frozen behind the counter, tears reaching the corners of her eyes. Patsy Cline's voice crooned through the whole room, setting a softer, more intimate mood. Voices sounded softer; movements seemed better timed. The only person who seemed upset by the music was Waverly, and even then, it wasn't an angry upset. She seemed to finally let herself grieve.

_Fly the ocean in a silver plane_  
See the jungle when it's wet with rain  
Just remember till you're home again  
You belong to me

The song kept going, and I had this urge to stand up and join her. I wanted to walk behind the bar and offer her some company, wrap my arms around her if she wanted that. I wanted to let her cry, to give her the safety and acceptance that she needed. I almost stood up, but then I saw Champ heading back to the bar with a plate of french fries and a ketchup bottle. 

"Who turned on this depressing shit?" I heard Champ complain, loud enough for me to hear three tables away. 

"Excuse me?" Waverly spun towards him. 

I'd never seen that kind of fire and anger in Waverly Earp's eyes. She'd always been that sweet girl who'd shown me kindness since day one. Of course, we'd argued as kids. She'd been jealous or lonely when Wynonna and I had excluded her, but I'd never seen her ready to kill someone, and based on the fear on Champ's face, I could tell he'd never seen it either. 

"I mean, come on babe. This is some pretty lame music." 

I'd known about Champ. I knew that he wasn't that smart or sensitive. He was a jerk, to put it simply, but I had no idea that he could be that dense. 

"Are you kidding me right now?" Waverly's voice was becoming more shrill the angrier she got. 

"It's old fashioned. They need to put on something faster paced."

"That's it, if Waverly won't fix this, I will," Wynonna grunted, climbing over my legs to get out of the booth.

"It's a wake, Champ," Waverly hissed. "My uncle died, do you not get that?"

"Well, if I were the dead dude, I'd want something playing that people would want to get down to," he answered, making an obscene gesture with his hips. 

That's when Waverly lost it. Her hand swung at Champ before even she could comprehend what was going on in her head. The sound of her hand meeting his cheek was loud enough to grab everyone's attention. 

"What the hell was that for?" Champ whined, covering his cheek with his hand.

"We're done, Champ," Waverly huffed, brushing her braid out of the way. 

"Baby girl can take care of herself, it seems," Wynonna grinned and grabbed a stool to sit on. 

"Crazy, bitch," Champ mumbled. 

"I think it would be best if you left now," Gus commanded, landing a hand on Champ's shoulder. 

She led him to the door, not stopping until he was past the front steps and in his car. Waverly looked even more emotional than she had before. She rushed out from behind the bar and towards the stock room. I stood up to check on her, but Wynonna held her hand up to stop me. 

"I've got it," she mumbled and followed after her little sister. 

Instead, I made my way behind the bar and took over the drink orders that kept coming in. 

"Where'd she go?" Gus asked as soon as she hurried back inside. 

I pointed to the back room and handed her a few drinks to take with her. 

\---

The saloon slowly emptied, people gave Gus their last condolences, tipping their hats and hugging her again, promising to see her at the funeral tomorrow. Shorty, Gus, and I cleaned up the bar and the kitchen, making sure that everything was put away before we headed home. It was already dark, and the fall weather had come early with a biting wind. 

"Where are Wynonna and Waverly?" I asked, curious as to why I hadn't seen them for the rest of the night. 

"They're upstairs," Gus nodded. "Why don't you go on and get them. Wynonna will definitely need help getting to the car."

I put down the glass I was drying and headed to the back room and up the stairs. There was an apartment up there, but as far as I knew, it was only used for storage. I pushed open the door and was surprised to see the apartment fully furnished. There were boxes in a few corners, and some of the furniture was covered by sheets, but it looked livable. I walked through the kitchen and living room area, noticing the small pictures of younger Waverly, Wynonna, and Willa. Surprisingly, there were pictures of Gus and Michelle as young girls too. Gus never spoke too kindly about her sister, not after she left her family. I would have thought that most of the pictures of the two of them would have been put away. I pushed open the door at the back of the apartment and entered a small bedroom, just big enough for a double bed and a chest of drawers. There were several empty beer bottles on the floor.  _Of course._ Waverly and Wynonna were curled up together, Wynonna's head resting on Waverly's chest and Waverly's hands splayed across Wynonna's back. I'd seen them like that before. On the anniversary of Ward's and Willa's deaths, Wynonna would always sneak into Waverly's room to check on her, and every morning, I'd find them like that. I moved to the side of the bed, sitting slowly and softly. 

"Wynonna," I whispered, shaking her shoulder lightly. 

"Waves," I tried again. 

Waverly's eyelids fluttered slightly until she focused on me. 

"Nicole?" Waverly mumbled, clearly tipsy. 

"Hey, Waves," we're going home. 

"Nicole," she whispered.

"What?"

"You're really pretty," she mumbled before hiccuping softly and grinning to herself. 

"So are you, Waves. Now, can you help me wake Wynonna up?"

Waverly nodded, and I could feel my heart melting even more at how adorable she was. With her help, we woke Wynonna. I had to dodge a few fists, but I eventually got Wynonna to stand up. I braced her weight on one side, and Waverly braced her on the other, and we made our way downstairs, albeit uncomfortably since the hallway wasn't exactly wide enough for three people. Gus handed me the car keys, and I drove everyone home. The car ride was quiet. Wynonna fell asleep on my shoulder, and Waverly and Gus looked out their windows on either side of the car. 

"I'll get her upstairs," Gus whispered, waking Wynonna up enough to help her up the stairs. 

"You're not driving home are you?" Waverly asked, seeming to have sobered up during the car ride. 

"No, I don't really have a car. I drove yours yesterday, remember?" 

"Right. This yesterday feels like a lifetime ago."

"It does." 

"So you're staying?" 

"Yeah, I'm good at sleeping on the couch."

Waverly smiled softly and reached for my hand, tugging me toward the house. We walked up the porch, that same porch that Waverly was sitting on when I first saw her at the ages of 9 and 5. I couldn't help but smile at that memory. She dragged me through the front door, quietly closing and locking it behind us. 

"Will you stay with me again?" she asked, and I couldn't say no to those big hazel eyes. 

She squeezed my hand gently, her soft fingers moving along the skin on the back of my hand. 

"Always," I whispered, and even though I didn't think it was possible, her eyes softened even more. 

We walked up the stairs hand in hand. Gus stepped out of Wynonna's room, closing the door behind her. She looked us up and down, noting out clasped hands and the lack of distance between us. 

"Good night, girls," she said, staring me directly in the eyes, as if daring me to do anything stupid under her roof. 

"Good night, Gus," Waverly let go of my hand and reached forward, wrapping Gus in a hug and kissing her lightly on the cheek. 

Her hand found mine again and pulled me behind her into her childhood room. Within minutes, I found myself in the same spot as yesterday morning, wrapped up in Waverly Earp's arms. Her leg was thrown over my thighs, and her head was in the crook of my neck. I could feel her breathing against my neck, sending chills down my spine. I fell asleep to her rhythmic breathing, surrounded by coconut and almond scented sheets. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the link to the Patsy Cline song if you haven't heard it! She's kinda the best :) 
> 
> https://youtu.be/qDtF3GGdKYk


	14. Chapter 14

**Waverly's POV:**

I felt a wave of guilt hit me when I woke up and heard Gus crying softly in the kitchen. I'd had the best night's sleep in a long time and the first good dream in weeks. My eyes fluttered open, and the first thing I saw was Nicole Haught, her arms wrapped around me, her legs tangled up with mine, her breath against my skin. She smelled like lavender, and I couldn't stop myself from burrowing even closer to her, wanting to feel her flush against me. Everything about Nicole Haught was confusing. She was a player and my sister's best friend. She was the only girl I'd ever really wanted to be with, and she'd never given me a second glance. She was off limits and unattainable, and I was just Wynonna's little sister. Maybe it was selfish of me to stay in her arms, to enjoy every second I had with her like this, but that's what I did. I stayed in her arms and memorized how it felt to be this close to her, how her heart beat steadily with mine.

A crash in the kitchen finally convinced me to untangle myself from Nicole and head downstairs. I stopped in the bathroom first to wash my face and throw my hair into a ponytail. Gus was in the kitchen fighting with the coffee pot. Curtis was always the one who did most of the cooking and made coffee, and I knew that small things like this would be hardest on Gus. I put my hand over hers and gave her a soft smile.

"I've got it," I said as softly as I could.

She nodded and watched me replace the coffee filter and add coffee grounds and water.

"I must seem like a crazy old lady to you, someone who can't even make herself and her nieces coffee in the morning."

I leaned back against the counter to face her and shook my head, listening to the coffee pot behind me.

"When Mama left us, I was only four. She'd been trying to teach me how to get dressed on my own, and there was this one pair of shoes that I could never get on without her help. It used to make me so angry that I couldn't do it, that I was this useless little kid who couldn't keep up with her big sisters. I threw the shoes away and ran around barefoot until it started snowing and Curtis made Daddy buy me a pair of boots. For years, I thought that I was mad at myself for not being able to put on the shoes, but really I was so angry at Mama for leaving me behind. Curtis didn't choose to leave you, but he's still gone, and it's scary to feel alone."

Gus' eyes were welling with tears. I gripped her hand tightly, and even though she'd never been a terribly affectionate person, I pulled her into a hug.

"You aren't alone, Gus. We're all here. Wynonna and I we're here. And Nicole."

I rubbed her back and let the room go silent except for the coffee maker.

"Nicole," Gus choked out finally.

"What about her?" I asked, feeling my brow crinkle in confusion.

"That's my question. What's going on with you two?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh is that so? Waverly Earp, Nicole Haught has been looking at you like you put the stars in the sky since the day she met you. I just didn't know you returned the feelings."

I opened my mouth to protest, but Gus kept going.

"I know, I know I shouldn't presume. And maybe I'm wrong. Just know that Curtis and I, we always really liked Nicole; she's one of our girls. Waverly I've watched you do everything that's expected of you, and sometimes that's good. It's good to follow rules and get good grades, but there comes a point when you need to let yourself live for  _you_ not for other people, to go after what you want...  _who_ you want."

"Jeez- Mother of fudging fudge-"

"Sounds like Wynonna's up," Gus laughed, the first laugh I'd heard in days.

"Good thing the coffee's almost ready," I added, pulling four coffee mugs out of the cupboard.

"I was thinking we could make a big breakfast today, have some real food," Gus said, squeezing my shoulder softly.

"Sounds perfect."

We worked side by side, scrambling eggs, cooking bacon, and mixing pancake mix. I cut up some fruit to add at least some amount of healthiness to the meal. Wynonna stumbled into the kitchen, her hair a mess, her face covered in yesterday's smeared makeup, and her eyes glazed over.

"Woah Wynonna, you look-"

"Coffee. I need coffee," Wynonna interrupted.

I quickly complied, pouring her a huge cup, which she downed in mere seconds.

"Where the hell is Nicole?" she asked.

"Language," Gus warned from her spot at the stove.

"She's in my room."

"Why's she in your room?"

Wynonna looked positively confused, and I was somewhat grateful. I was glad that Wynonna suspected nothing because I needed to figure things out with Nicole on my own, no added pressure needed.

"That's just where she slept," I answered slowly, wondering how I was going to get out of this conversation.

"Where'd you sleep?"

Wynonna arched a brow, clearly not understanding why her best friend opted to sleep in her little sister's room.

"Waverly was in your room with you. I'm not surprised you don't remember it, though. You were out like a light."

I could feel my eyes growing in surprise. Gus never told lies. She always said that lies, even with good intentions, were still lies and hurt people. She gave me a slight nod before flipping another pancake. Wynonna shrugged and slumped into a chair at the table.

"We're almost ready to put plates on the table. Why doesn't one of you go wake Nicole?" Gus suggested, scooping scrambled eggs into a big bowl.

"Not it!" Wynonna called, her finger landing on her nose, like we'd always done as little children.

"Fine," I shrugged and handed the plates I was holding to Gus.

I walked upstairs, absentmindedly tucking a few loose strands of hair behind my ear. I was suddenly overcome with the realization that I was about to wake Nicole up and was still in my pajamas. It wasn't like Nicole hadn't seen me in pajamas before. We'd grown up together; she'd seen me at every awkward stage. After my conversation with Gus, though, my feelings felt more real, more inescapable, and that terrified me.

Nicole was stretched out in my bed. She was sleeping on her stomach, her arms almost spread eagle and her feet poking out from under the sheet. It was clear that she was too long for my bed. My heart beat faster just from glancing at her. Her red hair lay flat against my pillows, only a few strands resting against Nicole's neck and forehead. I padded across the room quietly and sat down on the edge of my bed. I needed to come clean, to tell Nicole about my feelings, consequences be damned, but a voice in my head kept trying to convince me otherwise. What if she didn't feel the same? I wasn't sure I'd be able to deal with that kind of rejection, not from Nicole. What if it was too soon after Champ and Nicole would feel like a rebound? I wanted things with Nicole to be special. They had to be. I'd been imagining a relationship with her since I was six years old. I ran my fingers along her jaw and cheekbone, making sure my touch was light on her face. She smiled softly, twitching just a tiny bit under my touch.

"Waves?" she whispered, her eyes sleepily opening slightly.

"Hey," I smiled back at her.

She looked at me with wide brown eyes, and I could feel my resolve crumbling. I wanted to feel her again, to feel her lips against mine and her arms around my body. I didn't want to worry about Wynonna or her friendship with Nicole. I just wanted to let myself give into feelings that I'd pushed down for years.

"Hey," she whispered back, her voice breaking adorably.

She moved her hand to my wrist, rubbing soft, smooth circles along my skin. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest and my will power waining. She was staring at me with so much concentration, like I was the only person who deserved her attention.

"Oh, screw it," I mumbled, brushing a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"What?" she asked, sounding surprised that I was leaning forward.

Before I could stop myself, before I could think about anything else, my lips were against hers and my eyes were fluttering closed. My memories hadn't done it any justice. Her lips were not only the softest pair of lips I'd ever kissed, but they also tasted so sweet. My hands moved to her hair, softly moving through the red waves. I worried for a minute that I'd made a huge mistake. Her lips were frozen against mine, but after a few seconds, she caught up, and her lips started moving at the same pace. They were strong and soft, and they moved against mine with a strange mixture of familiarity and curiosity, like we were exploring someone we'd known forever in a totally new way... we were, I guess.

"Wait," she moaned against my lips.

I immediately sat up, forcing myself to not get turned on at the way she'd moaned against my lips, and looked down at her, my heart dropping in my chest. She moved up and leaned against the headboard.

"Morning breath," she mumbled, her face turning the same color as her hair. "This isn't what I had in mind. I always pictured it happening romantically. I'd take you out to dinner and kiss you on the doorstep."

She looked at me through her long eyelashes, and I stopped breathing. She'd imagined kissing me. More than that, she'd had a plan. I blushed this time and shook my head softly, reaching for her hand and running my fingers along the back of it.

"You've thought about kissing me?"

"Almost every day since I was twelve years old," she whispered back, her voice catching in her throat and revealing just how serious she was.

"I don't care about morning breath, and when I'm with you it feels romantic, no matter where we are," I said, leaning forward again and catching her bottom lip between mine.

"Waves," she moaned, reaching up to grasp the back of my neck.

I pulled my legs up behind me and moved toward the headboard. Her hands slid along my sides and toward my hips, sending chills up and down my body. My hands traveled up to her neck, one of them tangling in the hair at the back of her neck and the other moving up to rest on the left side of her jaw. My left leg swung over her thighs, and before I knew what was going on, I was straddling her, like I had no control over my body at all. Before I could doubt anything, before I could turn into the insecure little girl who worried about what Nicole thought about me, her hands wrapped around the back of my thighs and pulled me closer. Our bodies were flush against one another, and it took all of my strength not to take it further and grind against her.

"There better be a good reason it's taking so long that Gus made me climb the stairs and find you noobs!" Wynonna called from down the hall.

I immediately pulled back and moved to the end of the bed. Nicole's eyes were dilated, almost completely dark, and we were both breathing heavily. I stood up and walked to my closet, reaching for a sweatshirt and a pair of socks. I tossed them to Nicole and grabbed another for myself, just as Wynonna swung the door to my room open.

"Guys, come on! I'm starving," she grumbled, clearly not noticing the state that both Nicole and I were in.

"Sorry, I was dead asleep," Nicole answered with a surprisingly composed voice.

I was sure that my voice would sound shaky if I responded.

"Yeah whatever," Wynonna rolled her eyes. "Come on baby girl, we can start without Haughtshot. She clearly needs her beauty rest."

I walked past Wynonna, hoping she couldn't see how flustered I still felt. When we got downstairs, Gus looked at me with a mix of curiosity and smugness, like she knew that Nicole and I had this weird thing between us. She looked at Nicole the same way when Nicole came down a few minutes after, her face turning somewhat red when she met Gus' stare. Gus and I sat across from each other, and Wynonna and Nicole sat across from each other at our small breakfast table. This meant that Nicole was to my left and Wynonna was to my right. I tried and completely failed to keep my eyes off of Nicole. Wynonna kept jabbering on about some of her classes and the parties that she'd been to since going back to college, probably trying to tease Gus a little and make her worry. Halfway through breakfast, I felt Nicole's hand on my leg. She rubbed soft, small circles and looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes, a little reminder that we'd have time later.


	15. Chapter 15

**Nicole's POV:**

I gripped the steering wheel, looking at the station and breathing in as calming a breath as I could. All I'd been thinking about all morning and afternoon was how Waverly's lips moved against mine. It was a kiss I'd been dreaming about for most of my life, and now that it had happened, it was taking over every part of my brain. It didn't help that I'd left Gus' house in Wavelry's sweatshirt and had put it back on even after showering and changing for work. After this morning, I wasn't ready to let go of that scent that reminded me of her. We hadn't really had a minute to talk to one another. I'd slept until 11:00 or so, and brunch had lasted until 1:30. After that, I'd headed to my own apartment in order to shower and make it to the police station by 4:00pm. Waverly and I desperately needed to talk; that much I knew. I had absolutely no idea what was going on in her head. The pessimistic part of my brain said that maybe she was just feeling emotional about losing Curtis and breaking things off with Champ and needed a distraction. The other part of my brain, though, the more hopeful part, said that Waverly felt the same way I did. It was extremely confusing because, until recently, I'd always thought that the girl I had the biggest crush on for my whole life actually hated my guts. My watch beeped three times, cutting off all of my thoughts. I peeled the sweatshirt off, catching another whiff of Waverly's perfume and feeling my eyes flutter closed in relaxation. 

I closed and locked the car door, glancing at the discarded sweatshirt in the passenger seat. My boots thudded against the pavement in the parking lot, and breathed in the outside air, trying to clear my head. It was already getting chilly, October weather moving in quickly before September was even fully over. The station's heating system wasn't yet on, but the door shut behind me and cut off the wind outside, warming me up instantly. 

"Haught, right on time," the sheriff nodded towards me when I knocked on his office door. 

His hand was wrapped around a coffee mug that said "World's Best Dad," and he was looking at an open folder on his desk. 

"Yes sir," I answered, never sure what to say to the sheriff's gruff greetings. 

"I put some files on your desk to be sorted, and you're going to be answering phones today."

"I'm doing dispatch?" I asked, feeling excited to finally be doing important work as an intern. 

"Only for the non-emergency line." 

I could feel my shoulders slouch even though I was trying to hide my disappointment. I wasn't yet finished with my degree, and I hadn't gone through all of the academy training to be a real cop, so I should have considered myself lucky to work part-time at the station. A paid internship was hard to come by, and even if I was filing paperwork, I was still getting experience. I nodded before heading to my desk. There was a cart full of files waiting for me. I put down my keys and my bag and pushed the cart towards the file room, deciding to finish the files as quickly as possible before sitting down at my desk. The file room had been a mess when I'd first come to work at the station. Lonnie was one of the weak links on the force, a rookie cop who seemed to be a cautionary tale about what kind of cop not to be. He'd tried to organize the file room first and somehow messed up the alphabetization. Each file had to be sorted by the problem or complain and then sorted alphabetically by last name. I looked through the files quickly, separating them based on the complain into neat stacks on the floor. Then, I started with property damage complains, ordering them by last name before slipping them in the correct drawer. 

My phone buzzed in my back pocket. Normally, I wouldn't check it at work, but my heart stopped in my chest, wondering if it was Waverly. I finished the property damage files before slipping my phone out and sliding the screen open. It wasn't the Earp that I'd hoped for. 

**Wynonna: Hey lady killer, you left so fast today, we didn't have time to hang out**

**Me: I'm at work, Wynonna.**

**Wynonna: OOOOOHHHH Naughty Haughty texting on the job**

**Me: What's going on that you texted me at work?**

**Wynonna: Nothing I'm bored. Waverly's being all weird and on her own again. I thought when she dumped Champ the chump, she'd be back to normal. Gus is setting up for the funeral tomorrow. I realized we hadn't talked about Shae since the night when you got freaky.**

**Me: Go help Gus. I'm at work.**

**Wynonna: Jeez, you need to get laid again. You're getting snappy. I'll call Shae and tell her to meet you at your place**

**Me: Fuck off, Wynonna**

I slid my phone back into my pocket, feeling it vibrate a few more times before it stopped. I picked up the next stack of files. If Wynonna only knew the person I wanted to sleep with, she wouldn't be telling me to get laid. I cringed at the idea of Wynonna finding out about us, if there even was an us to consider. My heart ached at the thought that Waverly was feeling lonely or sad. I wanted nothing more than to head over to Gus', sneak back into Waverly's room, and just hold her in my arms. Filing was mindless, which on any other day would be find, boring but fine. I often planned my week or scheduled my school work while filing. Today, however, I couldn't get Waverly Earp out of my head, and it was killing me. I couldn't stop thinking about her: Waverly and her adorable smile that made her nose crinkle, Waverly and her silly, light laugh, Waverly and her smooth skin, Waverly and her soft lips, Waverly and the way she touched me, gently as if I was the most valuable thing she'd ever seen. As much as I wanted to be with her in that very moment, though, I was terrified to talk to her, scared that she'd change her mind or realize she'd made a mistake. How on earth could Waverly Earp want to be with someone like me when she could have anyone she wanted. I took a deep breath before walking back to my desk. There was no reason to worry about that right now. Waverly deserved to be happy, and if that meant just being friends and nothing more, then I would have to be okay with that. 

The phone only rang three times during the rest of my shift. One was a missed dialed call, someone trying to set up a hair appointment. The other two were complaints about neighbors. One person wanted a cop to advise their neighbor to mow their lawn because the grass was getting too high. Another wanted a cop to ask their neighbors to close their blinds in the bedroom before stripping their clothes off every night. I wrote down their complaints, knowing that they probably wouldn't be responded to any time soon if at all. I pulled out some of my homework for school, knowing that I had another hour on duty before I could leave for the day. My cellphone buzzed again, so I pulled it out, having finished everything Nedley'd asked me to do. 

**Wynonna: Who spit in your cereal**

**Wynonna: Haught?**

**Wynonna: NICOOOOOOOOLE**

I rolled my eyes and looked at my other messages. 

**Gus: You're welcome to stay over tonight. I think the girls would appreciate it, and you'll be here for the funeral tomorrow.**

I quickly typed back to Gus. 

**Me: I'm off of work in about an hour. I can head over around 8:30pm.**

I wished that Waverly had texted me. My heart felt slightly heavier at the thought that Waverly might genuinely not want to talk, that she might have regretted this morning. There was a third message on my phone from Shae. I didn't even open the message, not really caring about what she had to say. The only thing I cared about right now was heading over to the McCreedy house and seeing Waverly. When the clock read 8:00pm on my desk, I waved goodbye to Nedley and headed to my car, immediately pulling Waverly's sweatshirt over my head for the ride to my apartment. 

I showered as quickly as I could and changed into a pair of black skinny jeans and a blue sweater. I grabbed a pair of pajamas and a nicer pair of pants and a button down for the funeral and packed them in a bag with my toiletries. I placed Waverly's sweatshirt on top of my stuff before zipping up the duffel and heading to the door. I slipped on a pair of black boots before locking my door and walking to my car. This would be the longest ride to the McCreedy house, and I had no idea what or who was waiting for me there. 

**\------------**

**Waverly's POV:**

I ran my hands through my hair again, trying to dry it as quickly as I could without a hairdryer. I'd spent most of the day in my room, overthinking what I'd done this morning. It had been amazing, incredible even, but I hadn't been thinking clearly at all. Nicole was a player, and even if she had enjoyed it, who's to say that she really had feelings for me. What if I was just another girl to her? I shook my head, trying to ignore that thought because if Nicole didn't care about me, I would be in serious trouble. I was afraid that I'd already let myself feel too much, I was already beginning to fall for her before I really knew if she was falling with me. I looked in the mirror on my dresser. My skin looked paler than normal, contrasted with the darkness of my still damp hair. Gus had invited Nicole to stay over again, and while I was glad that I'd possibly have time to talk to her, I was so nervous to see her. There was a chance that she'd tell me that this morning had been a mistake, that she couldn't be with her best friend's little sister, that she couldn't promise anything more than a one night stand. 

I took a deep breath, calming myself down slightly. I tried to remind myself that Nicole had talked about wanting to kiss me as early as when she was 12 years old. Gus had told me that Nicole always gave me a lovestruck look. I slipped on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, opting to stay in my sock feet instead of wearing shoes around the house. I turned on some music and organized my desk, doing anything I could to distract myself from Nicole. There was a knock on the door before Wynonna peeked inside. 

"Hey babygirl."

"Hey, what's up?"

"You've been in your room all day. Are you okay?" Wynonna asked, and I felt a pang of guilt in my chest when I saw how worried she looked. 

"I'm fine," I said, squeezing her hand. "Just sad is all."

She nodded before pulling me into her arms. 

"I love you," she whispered against my head. 

"I love you too."

I felt myself choking up, the lump in my throat growing. I wanted to talk to Wynonna, to tell her everything. I wanted my big sister to know that I was feeling something for best friend, that I'd felt something for Nicole since I was a little kid, that what I felt was stronger than anything else I'd ever known. 

"You'll come down stairs?"

"In a minute," I answered, forcing a smile on my face. 

\----

I continued to distract myself, piling books onto my shelf and straightening the covers on my bed. As soon as I heard the front door open and Nicole's voice carry up the stairs, my heart beat faster. I took several more deep breaths, hoping to feel calmer. 

"Waverly needs to come down for dinner," I heard Gus say downstairs.

"I can go tell her," Nicole offered.

"Waverly! Dinner!" Wynonna yelled up the stairs. 

"Wynonna!" Gus chastised. 

I walked down the stairs, knowing that I couldn't pretend to have not heard her scream my name. Wynonna immediately wrapped her arm around my shoulder and smirked at Gus. 

"See, I brought her down for dinner." 

We sat at the table in the same configuration that we had at breakfast. This time, Nicole didn't place her hand on my knee, and I could hardly look at her, no matter how much I wanted to. Wynonna carried the conversation as usual. Gus seemed tired, probably sad and stressed about the funeral service tomorrow afternoon. 

"I think I'm finished," I said, interrupting one of Wynonna's rants. 

"You've hardly eaten," Gus worried, looking at my half full plate.

"I'm not very hungry. I put it in the fridge and save it for later."

Gus nodded but tracked me with her eyes, watching to see if anything was wrong. I could feel Nicole's eyes on me too. I put my food in a tupperware container and placed it in the fridge, listening to Wynonna talk. I washed some of the pots and pans for Gus before excusing myself to go upstairs. 

I felt sick to my stomach, sick with worry that Nicole would break my heart. We hadn't spoken, and I was afraid we never would, that it would turn out like last time where Nicole blamed her actions on something else. I stripped out of my jeans, tossed them on the floor, and pulled on a pair of pajama shorts. My hair was finally dry, so I put it in a braid. I was just about to head to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face before bed when there was a light knock on my door. I knew it wasn't Wynonna because she always knocked harder and didn't wait for a response. I opened the door, not surprised to see Nicole waiting there. Her duffel bag was sitting in front of Wynonna's door across the hall, and she was leaning against the door frame looking perfect, her brown eyes large and sincere. 

"Can I come in?"


	16. Chapter 16

**Waverly's POV:**

"Can I come in?"

I opened the door wider and stepped back, allowing her to walk past.

"Waverly-"

"You don't have to say it," I cut her off, crossing my arms over my chest and preparing for her to break my heart.

"What?"

"You don't have to make up an excuse like last time. If you regret it just say so and get it over with."

Nicole looked completely caught off guard, but her eyes softened immediately. She walked toward me, and I half expected her to leave the room. Instead, she reached behind me and shut my door, using her other hand to softly brush my jaw.

"Waves, I could never regret this morning. I never regretted our first kiss either."

"You didn't?"

"I mean I might have regretted it not being more romantic, but I never regret the moments I spend with you."

I couldn't respond. I felt the lump in my throat thicken with relief. I wrapped my arms around her neck quickly and pressed my lips against hers. The day had felt centuries long without getting to kiss her, and I wondered if it was normal to miss someone this much. Her hands moved down my body to my waist, pushing me back into the closed door. We needed to talk; I knew that, but it was so much easier just to kiss her. I sucked hard on her lower lip, enjoying the moan that left her mouth and the way her hands gripped tighter against my hips. Her fingers slid just slightly under my sweatshirt, and her right leg moved in between mine, so that our bodies could be pressed even closer together.

"Wait," she panted, putting her hands on the door on either side of my body.

Her forehead pressed against mine, and her eyes shifted from my lips to my eyes. There was a darkness to her eyes, desire, but there was also extreme gentleness and sincerity. I dropped my hands from her face.

"What?"

"We need to talk about this, about what's going on."

I nodded, knowing that she was right but also dreading any conversation that could lead to her changing her mind or admitting to having different feelings. She laced our fingers together and led me toward my bed, calming my nerves somewhat with her touch. We sat with several feet between us, probably for the best since we needed to talk and any closer might have been distracting.

"What are we doing, Waverly?"

"You tell me," I mumbled back, afraid to lay everything out in the open.

Nicole cleared her throat softly.

"I really like you, Waves."

My heart fluttered in my chest, and I could suddenly look her in the eyes. She looked at me with so much affection, so much honesty. She looked at me the way no one had ever looked at me before, like I was the only person worth looking at, like I had the power to take her heart in exchange for mine, like she was waiting, open armed, for me to call her mine.

"I really like you too."

"You do?" she asked, her eyes looking up at me through her eyelashes as if she couldn't believe what I was saying.

"I like you so much it scares me. I've liked you for so long and just been afraid to leap, to tell you because I always figured you didn't want me back."

"Baby," Nicole's voice broke just slightly, and her hand reached up to trace my jaw and neck. "Baby, I have always wanted you."

My heart fluttered at the word "baby." I'd been called it before, by Gus and Curtis, by Wynonna, even by Champ, but it never made my heart slam against my rib cage the way it did when she said it. I couldn't stay back any more. I moved forward, straddling her hips and tilting  her face up, so that our lips could meet. Her hands slid up the back of my sweatshirt and lightly traced my spine. I'd never get over how carefully and respectfully Nicole touched me, not after having been with Champ. There was no comparison. My fingers tangled in her hair, and her hands moved to the back of my thighs, gripping tightly. She moved us towards the headboard, switching positions as she did, so that she was hovering over me. I pulled her down toward me, whining slightly when she moved her lips away from mine.

"Nicooole," I begged, trying to pull her back to me.

I didn't have much time to complain, though, because her lips found the hollow at the base of my neck and kissed there before moving to my collar bones. When she found my pulse point on my neck, I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep from moaning loud enough to wake the whole house. She glanced up and smirked, noticing where my hand was.

"I can't wait to be alone with you, Waverly Earp."

I nodded, not trusting my voice to answer. My body was still thrumming with energy, and my hips were still longing to rock against Nicole's. Nicole lightly kissed my jaw, my cheeks, my forehead, and my nose. I pulled her closer and kissed her lips, a searing kiss, one that she wouldn't forget after she left my room.

"You'll be the death of me, Waves," she whispered before sitting up in bed.

We could both hear Wynonna saying goodnight to Gus downstairs, and I was suddenly very aware of how swollen Nicole's lips looked and how messy her hair was, since my fingers had just been brushing through it. Nicole must have thought it too because she threw her hair into a messy bun before kissing my forehead and whispering goodnight. I didn't want her to leave. I wanted her here, and based on how long she held onto my hand before leaving, I could tell she wanted to stay too.

\------  
 **Nicole's POV:**

I leaned against Waverly's closed door in the hallway, catching my breath before walking into Wynonna's room.

"Where were you?" Wynonna asked, looking up from her cell phone.

"Uhhhh..."

"It doesn't matter. I have a dilemma."

I exhaled quietly, relieved that Wynonna was distracted by other things.

"What's up?" I asked, digging through my bag and pulling out pajamas.

"Doc wants to come to the funeral tomorrow and be there for me."

"That's nice of him. What's the problem?"

"Because Dolls wants to too, and having them both here would just be awkward, seeing as they dislike each other so much."

"Well they  _are_  trying to date the same girl, so it would be kinda weird if they were best buddies about it. I'm sure they can put aside whatever grudges they have for one day, especially for you." 

"I'm just gonna tell them both not to come."

"You might need the support, though."

"I have you and Waves and Gus."

"Well, it's your decision."

Wynonna started texting in a frenzy. I changed into my sweatpants and t-shirt before heading to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. When I got back to Wynonna's room, she was already snoring. Wynonna was a heavy sleeper; she always had been. Even as little kids, she'd always been the first to fall asleep and last to wake up, only waking up to the smell of breakfast cooking. She was impossible to wake up, and she made it somewhat difficult to fall asleep in the same room as her. There were, of course, perks to that. I walked back into the hallway, swallowing whatever nerves I had and repeating in my head that Waverly liked me back, before knocking on her door.

"Come in," I heard from inside the room.

The room was dark, and I had to watch my step, so as not to step on books, papers, or pieces of clothing.

"Nicole?" Waverly mumbled from her bed.

"Sorry," I whispered back. "You mind if I stay in here?"

Waverly moved over in bed, lifting the covers up for me to crawl under them. I was immediately hit by her perfume. It was everywhere, and being underneath the warm covers was like being wrapped in her arms. That's when I remembered that I  _could_  hold her in my arms. We'd spoken about our feelings, and we felt the same. I moved closer to her, and she met me in the middle, her arm moving across my stomach, one of her legs sliding over my thighs, and her head resting on my shoulder. I ran my left hand up and down her back and kissed the top of her head.

"I could get used to this," she whispered.

"Me too."

She sighed and burrowed against me even more. Our breathing matched one another after a while in her quiet room.

"Hey, Wave?"

"Mhm"

"You know when we were little..."

"What about it?"

For a second I wondered if I should even talk about the past with Waverly. I wondered if I even wanted to know the truth about how a younger version of her felt about me, but she was waiting for me to continue, staring at me with those beautiful hazel eyes.

"I just... I always thought you really hated me when we were little, when we were kids."

Waverly lifted herself up and rested on her arm to look down at me properly. Her eyes were soft and kind, and she shook her head slightly before running her fingers under my jaw.

"I didn't hate you. I couldn't ever hate you," she whispered before kissing my forehead.

"But, you never wanted to hang out when I came over, and you always seemed to hate when I hung out here or stayed for dinner and you had to see me."

Waverly sighed, clearly not knowing that I'd felt that way when we were kids.

"I hated the way you made me feel when we were kids."

My heart ached in my chest because if there was any way that I'd made Waverly feel bad, even if it was years ago, I don't know if I could forgive the younger version of myself.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Nicole Haught, you have always scared me, and I hated that."

"I scared you?"

"I never wanted to be with someone as much as I've always wanted to be with you. And sure, I hated that I never got to spend time with you. I hated that you and Wynonna would run off and keep each other company and leave me here. I hated that the two people who mattered most to me didn't seem to need me. Plus, I was working through what it meant for me to like you, while watching you become a teenager and get your first girlfriend and then the next and the next and the-"

"Yeah there were a few," I cut her off, not wanting her to recount all the past girlfriends who, in the grand scheme of things, meant nothing compared to what it felt like just to hold Waverly Earp in my arms.

"I never hated you, Nicole. If anything, I wanted you so much that you terrified me. Wanting you terrifies me," she whispered and looked down, hiding a blush that I probably wouldn't be able to see in the dimly lit room.

I pulled her down towards me and connected our lips, kissing her slowly, wanting to put all of what I felt into that kiss, wanting to get rid of her fears through every touch. I sucked gently on her lower lip, shivering at the quiet moan she let out. Her tongue moved across my lower lip, and I granted her access immediately. Waverly moved her hands up and down my sides, and I pulled her hips even closer to me, wanting our bodies to be as close as possible. Our kisses slowed down gently. Waverly moved away from my lips, lightly kissing my neck until she was back in her original position with her head on my shoulder.

"Will you stay?" Waverly whispered, and I couldn't tell if she meant for just the night or if she meant more than that.

"Of course," I whispered back, brushing her hair away from her neck and listening to her breathing steady itself.

Holding Waverly Earp in my arms was nothing like I'd ever experienced. Waverly was good, everything good in the world. Even when we were children, she had this bright light about her, something that drew everyone in and made people fall for her. Sometimes people seem one way but then turn out another way when you spend enough time with them, but holding Waverly in my arms didn't change any of my preconceived thoughts. It made her light even brighter because she'd chosen me. She'd chosen me to share herself with, to share what she thought and felt, what scared her, what she wanted. Waverly's skin was soft and smooth beneath my fingers. Her hair was silky against my arm. She emanated this warmth and gentleness, and to be honest, that was something I hadn't felt since I was a little kid with parents and grandparents who cared about me. Waverly's breath danced across my collar bones, and made my heart beat faster in my chest. Her fingers unconsciously twitched and tightened on the hem of my t-shirt. There was nothing I wanted more in this world than to hold onto this moment, to freeze it and live in it forever with her in my arms. I wanted to protect the woman in my arms for as long as she'd let me. I wanted to be hers for as long as she'd have me, and that-- that absolutely terrified me.


	17. Chapter 17

**Waverly's POV:**

I woke up smiling, remembering everything that had taken place the night before, remembering how Nicole's lips had moved against mine, how she'd told me that she liked me too. I sighed softly and turned towards the other side of the bed, my eyes still closed and my hand reaching out to find her next to me. I was met with a cool mattress instead, and my eyes immediately opened. My room was still dark, since the blinds had been closed the night before.

"Nicole," I whispered, hoping that she was somewhere in the room but knowing she probably wasn't.

I could feel myself frowning, my heart dipping in my chest. I didn't want her absence to affect me like it did. I didn't want to need her or long for her. I'd longed for people before. I'd longed for Mama my whole life, even though I knew she wasn't coming back. I'd longed for Daddy to love me like he loved Willa and Wynonna. The only thing I knew for certain was that longing would always bring pain or disappointment.

I brushed my hair and braided it into a simple long braid that hung loosely down my back. I pulled on the black dress and tights I'd picked out the day before and slipped into my boots. Then, I slipped into the hallway and went to the bathroom to wash my face and put on makeup.

Gus and Wynonna were in the kitchen. Wynonna was still in her pajamas, helping Gus set up a few sandwich plates.

"Thank god you're up!" Wynonna smiled, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "Now you can take over, and I can get changed. You're much better at the sandwiches anyway."

I slid against the counter and started slicing cucumbers to put in some of the sandwiches. I'd made sandwiches with Gus for Daddy's and Willa's funeral service too. I'd stood on a stool at the same counter, and Gus had stood behind me, her arms around my little body to keep me from falling. Wynonna had spent that day with Curtis. She'd tried to refuse to go to the service, but somehow he'd talked her out of the garage and into the house. Curtis had always been the best at leveling with Wynonna, leveling with everyone really, and I wondered just how hard she was taking this day. Gus and I worked silently, both of our minds moving hundreds of miles per hour, grieving a husband and an uncle turned surrogate father.

"It's all ready," Nicole's voice travelled trough the kitchen from behind me.

I turned around quickly, needing to see her, to see the look in her eyes, and know that last night meant something to her. She was wearing one of Curtis' old flannels, the too-loose-sleeves pushed up above her elbows and the end of the flannel landing at the middle of her thighs, and a pair of Wynonna's jeans. The jeans were covered in dirt, and her hands looked red.

"Nicole, your hands! Did the York boys help you at all?" Gus sighed, grabbing onto both of Nicole's hands.

"They aren't the best at sticking to one task, but it's fine. I think it's the right size. Maybe you should just check before I shower."

"All right. Waverly, help Nicole fix up her hands. I'll be back in a minute. If it needs to be bigger, I'll get the York boys to fix it, so go ahead and shower."

As soon as Gus left the room, Nicole's lips twitched slightly into a small smile.

"You look beautiful," she whispered, blushing slightly. "I- I mean- I know the circumstances are horrible, but-"

I pulled her down by the shirt and placed a quick, soft kiss on her lips. It felt different to kiss her in the kitchen, in broad daylight where I could see her face. It wasn't a long kiss, but it warmed my whole body.

"Thank you," I answered before looking down at her hands.

They were red and warm, and several blisters were starting to form along her palms.

"What on earth were you doing?"

"Gus asked me to dig the grave. Well, really she asked me to supervise the York boys while they dug, but I ended up doing it on my own."

"Come on," I ordered, pulling her towards the laundry room near the back door of the house.

The kitchen sink was full of fruits and veggies waiting to be put into serving platters, so I'd have to wash her hands in the laundry room sink. I turned on the water, making sure it wasn't too hot or too cold before holding onto Nicole's and easing them under the faucet. I could hear her hiss slightly, holding back any yelp of pain that she might have felt.

"Sorry," I whispered, running my thumb softly over her palm and wiping any dirt off of her hands.

I reached for the soap and washed her hands for her, noticing how close her body was to mine and how her breathing seemed to steady the more time passed. I handed her a clean towel and dug through the drawer for our first aid kit. 

"Got it," I announced turning back around to where Nicole was now sitting on the counter.

I rubbed neosporin along her palms and bandaged them slowly, noting that some of the blisters were worse than others. Once I'd finished with her right hand, I focused on the left. Nicole's already bandaged hand moved up to my jaw, her knuckles brushing lightly against it, sending shocks up and down my body. 

"Did you sleep well?" she asked, softly.

"Better than usual, actually."

I looked up at Nicole. Her lips were set in a tiny smirk, knowing that she was the new variable to the way I was sleeping, the reason I was sleeping through the night instead of waking up and needing to read or pace back and forth to get my mind off of things. 

"I meant everything I said, you know," Nicole said, and the look in her eyes was so genuine and honest. 

I'm not sure if it was just because the day was already emotional or that I'd worried so much about Nicole being absent from my bed that morning, but the honesty and care I saw in her eyes made my eyes water. 

"Waves? What's wrong?" she asked, her hand faltering on its path along my jaw and her forehead creasing with worry. 

"Nothing- I just-"

Nicole looked at me with genuine interest, and it made whatever hesitation I felt to tell her what I'd felt this morning disappear. 

"When I woke up- when you weren't there- I-"

"You thought I hadn't meant it? That I'd just left?"

I nodded slowly, keeping my head down and focusing on her left hand, bandaging it more than was necessary. 

"I'm gonna turn into a mummy at this rate, Waves," she whispered, pulling her hand away from me and lifting my chin up towards her. 

"I didn't want to leave this morning, but I also didn't want Wynonna to find out about whatever is going on between us by walking in on us in bed together. If Wynonna finds out, I want her to find out because we decide to tell her. Plus, Gus had already told me that she needed my help."

"You should have woken me up," I mumbled, feeling somewhat stupid for having worried about Nicole's feelings. 

"I promise I will next time," she smiled, leaning forward and brushing her nose along mine before placing a soft kiss against my forehead. 

"Next time?" 

A blush spread across Nicole's cheeks, and I wanted nothing more than to lean forward and kiss each cheek before capturing her lips with my own. 

"If you want, that is..." Nicole answered shyly. 

I smiled, bigger than I thought possible, especially on this day, and moved my hand to the back of her neck, tugging gently until her lips met mine again. 

"Haughtshot! Go get changed. Gus asked us to go to the grocery for more napkins." 

I stepped back from Nicole immediately, my heart rate increasing drastically. I spun around expecting to see Wynonna, only to realize that she was calling from in the kitchen. Nicole let out a sigh, smiling sheepishly as she slid off the counter. 

"I'll see you in a bit," she smirked before breezing out of the laundry room, up the stairs, and toward Wynonna's room.  

Wynonna stood in the kitchen dressed in black leather pants and a black top, eating a couple of cheese slices off of the cheese board that Gus had just finished. I rolled my eyes before heading to the sink to cut some more of the produce. 

"You think something's up with Nicole?"

"What?" I muttered, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"I mean she's been acting weird for a while, ever since the group date with Shae. I think she might actually like her. She didn't even brag about sleeping with her, and that's so not like her. She's just been quieter lately, and honestly I'm dying without the gossip."

"Maybe she's just feeling down. I mean, Curtis was like an uncle for her too," I suggested, continuing to cut up tomatoes and cucumbers, so that I didn't have to look Wynonna in the eyes. 

"See, this is why I need you, Babygirl," Wynonna smiled, kissing me on the top of the head. "How are you feeling? Champ was lame, but still, breakups can suck."

"I'm great, actually. I think we all knew that was going to be a short-lived relationship anyway."

"Good. I've missed you. Felt like you were kinda far away when he was around," Wynonna looked at me with more emotion than usual, and I could tell that she was being more affected by Curtis' death than she wanted to let on. 

I squeezed her hand. 

"I'm always here. You and me, like it's always been," I answered back, kissing her cheek and pulling her into a hug. 

Wynonna grabbed a cucumber slice off of the plate, too quickly for me to swat her hand away, before she left the kitchen to spread table cloths over the picnic tables outside and the dining tables inside. 

\-----

I watched Gus give the eulogy, not able to pay much attention to what she was saying. Wynonna's face was hard beside me, and to an outsider she would look touch, hardened, but to me, she looked the same way she had at the age of eleven at Daddy's funeral. I slipped my hand into hers, squeezing softly to remind her that I was there if she needed. She squeezed my hand back. Curtis had been a father figure to us both, more of a father to me than our own Daddy had been to me. He'd taken us in immediately after we lost Daddy, and he'd treated us like we were his girls, like we were his flesh and blood, when really our blood relation was to Gus. 

Wynonna and I stood to the left of Gus, at the head of Curtis' now covered grave. Nicole stood at the foot of the grave beside her grandfather who'd made a long drive to pay his respects to Curtis and Gus. She was wearing a white button down and black pants. Her sleeves were perfectly folded just below her elbows, and the top two buttons of her shirt were unbuttoned, revealing smooth, pale skin that was begging to be kissed. The York boys were near the back of the group, watching with a surprising amount of respect. Everyone else's faces seemed to blur together, the crowd of family friends blending together until it felt to overwhelming to stand in front of them all. I wanted to move, to keep busy, so that my eyes wouldn't water any more. As soon as Gus finished speaking and mourners started lining up to place flowers at the grave and give us condolences, I slipped away, moving through the unmowed grass towards the porch. I leaned against the wooden banister at the front of the porch, realizing that I was hyperventilating and trying to catch my breath, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. 

"Let's go inside," he said, softly, offering me his arm to lace my arm through. 

Nicole's grandfather was a tall man with a small beer gut and a kind smile. His hair was white and thin, and his back was slightly bent, as if he'd spent his whole life leaning down to talk to people. He was wearing a blue button down and gray dress pants. We walked into the kitchen, and he started to roll up his sleeves, much like Nicole. I smiled at the idea that Nicole must have learned that from him when she was a little girl. He moved the plastic wrap and aluminum foil off of all of the dishes that guests had brought to the house. I worked along side him, moving dishes and plates around the table to make it easier for people to serve their plates in a buffet style. 

"So, my granddaughter?"

My eyes widened when he spoke. Had Nicole told him something? Part of me liked the idea that Nicole wanted to tell people, wanted people to know that she liked me. Another part of me was terrified because if she was willing to tell him about us, what would stop her from telling Wynonna, and I wasn't yet sure if I wanted my relationship with Wynonna to change.  

"What?"

"Nicole hasn't said anything. To be honest, I haven't even tried to talk to her about it, but I saw the way you two were looking at each other. I've seen the way you've always looked at each other, like you're the only two people in the room. It's different now, like you both know that the other person feels the same."

I could feel myself blushing. 

"I like Nicole," I answered back.

"I'm glad because she's liked you since the day we brought her over here. I always worried that she'd get her heart broken, that you wouldn't feel the same. Then again, you've always handled everyone else's hearts with care," he grinned. 

We worked in silence again, the kitchen slowly filling with guests who piled their plates with food. Nicole and Wynonna sat together on the front porch with plates of food and a bowl of chips and salsa. They were speaking quietly, and I watched for a second before deciding not to interrupt. I wanted Wynonna to have time with Nicole, to feel like everything was normal again. 

\-----

I carried two platters of sandwiches through the leftover crowd of friends in Gus' living room, stopping to let people grab some food or give me their condolences. Most of the guests had left, but there were still some stragglers, those who were drunk and babbling about memories of the past. Shorty was heading out to his car to move some things to the trunk, in order to give some people rides home. I placed the practically empty sandwich plates on the dining room table and headed back to the kitchen. Wynonna had already left. Doc had shown up late to the service, but at least he'd shown up. He and Wynonna had left, probably to go park somewhere, much to Gus' annoyance. Nicole was at the kitchen sink, her sleeves pushed up above her elbows now and her hands covered with soapy water. She was washing the last of the large serving dishes, and I couldn't help myself but wrap my arms around her waist. 

"Hey," I whispered. 

"Hey, yourself. How are you holding up?"

She was the first person who'd asked me that all day, and my heart fluttered at the consideration.

"I'm ready for today to be over," I whispered. "I'm ready to sleep."

"Let's go to sleep, then."

She turned around in my arms, drying her hands on the nearest dish towel before wrapping her arms around my shoulders. My head fit perfectly in the crook of her neck, and her chin rested on top of my head. We stood there for a few minutes, neither of us wanting to move much until we heard people walking toward the kitchen. We untangled ourselves and walked up the stairs, Nicole's hand finding mine on the way up. 

At the top of the stairs, Nicole kissed my forehead and whispered, "I'll change and then come back to your room?" 

She looked shy when she asked the question, as if I would ever tell her to stay away. I smiled and nodded, not even wanting to let her leave my side for a minute. She turned around and walked into Wynonna's room to change, and I turned to change in mine. It did scare me that I needed Nicole, that I felt this addiction to having her nearby, but that wouldn't stop me from holding onto her, from keeping her close for as long as I possibly could, until she inevitably left. I shook that thought from my head, slipping into my pajama shorts and a sweatshirt. A soft knock sounded against my door, and I opened it to Nicole in her sweats and t-shirt. I smiled at her, enjoying the way she walked through my room and toward my bed with new familiarity. There was something calming about having her here, about seeing her in my old room, like she belonged in this space with me. 

"Wynonna's staying with Doc tonight. She asked me to drive you back to the homestead tomorrow, so that you have a day before class to study and sleep," Nicole said as she slipped underneath the covers and held them up for me.

I slipped in beside her, immediately molding myself into her arms and enjoying the warmth that she naturally had. I'd been holding myself together all day, keeping myself busy and helping Gus and Wynonna. In Nicole's arms, with nothing to do but hold onto her, I felt the tears finally start to escape. I could feel the shoulder of Nicole's shirt becoming more damp with each tear that slid down my cheeks. 

"Waves?"

"I'm sorry," I choked out.

"You never have to say sorry for crying, for feeling something."

I buried my head into the crook of her neck. Her hand ran up and down my spine. 

"I miss him," I muttered.

"I know, baby. I do too."

My fingers grasped onto the hem of Nicole's t-shirt, and after what seemed like hours, the soft beating of her heart and the thought that I would wake up in her arms the next morning lulled me to sleep. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Nicole's POV:**

Waverly's eyes were still red from the tears she'd been crying hours before. She was still wrapped in my arms, her head pressed against my neck and her legs tangled with mine. We'd fallen asleep that way. I'd made sure to keep myself awake until Waverly's tears had died down and her breathing had regulated itself, until I knew she was asleep. Then, I'd continued to run my hand along her spine as softly as I could, whispering soft words against her hair, words that I never would have dared to say if she were awake.

Lying in bed with her, my mind wandered toward the truth I'd always known but never wanted to face. The moment I saw Waverly Earp, smiling at me from her front porch, when we were kids, I knew that she was going to be a force of nature, someone who could get me to do just about anything. I knew from the moment that I saw her smile that crinkled her nose. I knew from the moment her hand met mine in a shy handshake, her face peeking out from behind Gus' leg. And, I knew now more than ever, with the same beautiful girl in my arms that Waverly Earp had a dangerous hold on me. I fell asleep with my lips pressed against her forehead, a mixture of fear and absolute bliss filling my stomach.

The next morning, I woke up to soft kisses against my neck and couldn't help but smile. Waverly's hands were moving along the side of my ribs softly, and her lips left the softest kisses in a path from my collar bone to my jaw.

"Morning," I sighed, realizing just how gruff my voice sounded.

I felt Waverly's lips hesitate and form a soft smile against my pulse point before beginning their trail along my neck again. I moved one of my hands to her hip and the other to her jaw, leading her face towards mine and kissing her softly at the corner of her mouth, again fully aware that I had morning breath, even though she'd told me she didn't care. She looked down at me, her long hair falling over her right shoulder and tickling my cheek.

"Good morning," she whispered back, grinning and leaning down to capture my lips in hers.

I couldn't wrap my mind around why this beautiful woman was kissing me, why she wanted me with her, why she wanted to be held by me at night. Nothing I reasoned ever made since, so instead of reasoning, I just kissed her back. I kissed her with as much passion as I could, running my hands up her thighs when she straddled my hips and sucking on her bottom lip until she moaned loud enough that I worried Gus might hear. We pulled away, our foreheads resting against one another's. I laughed softly, and she blushed, the rosy color spreading across her cheeks. I couldn't help but reach up and trace her blush with my fingers, noticing for the hundredth time just how soft her skin was. My fingers moved across her cheekbone and down to her jaw. I traced her neck, watching her shiver as my fingers moved, and brushed over her collarbone.

"Nicole."

"Hmm?"

"If you don't stop doing that, I don't think we'll make it out of bed today."

I looked up at Waverly, noticing just how dark her eyes had become, just how much desire she actually had. Of all the times I'd kissed Waverly, this was the most intense I'd ever seen her. She looked at me with absolute need and desire, and a part of me wanted to keep going, wanted to keep moving my fingers over her body and feel her around my fingers. A part of me wanted to give all of myself to her in every way at that very moment.

"You girls want some breakfast before you head out today?" Gus called from the bottom of the stairs.

Waverly looked at me, her eyebrow lifted in a question, and as much as I wanted to connect out lips again and ignore the outside world, I nodded my head.

"Sure! We'll be down in a minute!" Waverly called back, still not moving from my hips.

I sat up, not realizing until after I'd already pushed my body up just how close I would be to Waverly. Her body pressed firmly against mine, and I had to hold in a groan and wait for Waverly to slide off the bed. She walked toward her closet and pulled out a few articles of clothing, probably stuff she wanted to take back to the Homestead. I watched her for a minute too long, only moving after the smirk she threw over her shoulder toward me made me blush and fumble with the bed sheets.

I stood up and headed across the hall to Wynonna's room. My bag was in its same spot against the wall closest to the door. Wynonna's stuff was already gone, probably in a pile at Doc's house. She'd probably be there for the next couple of days, trying to forget all the grief. It made me worry, not only for her but also for Doc. He was a good guy, and I didn't want her to use him to hide her emotions. I looked to the bookcase in Wynonna's room, my eyes falling immediately on a picture she kept of the two of us.

I was hit with a huge pang of guilt. Wynonna had been my best friend for my whole life, the only best friend I'd ever had, and I was hers. No matter what, we'd always promised to be each other's person, and I knew that whatever was going on with Waverly and me would kill her. I knew it was only a matter of time before the shit hit the fan. Things with Waverly had been too nice for the past couple of days. I knew in my gut that it was only a matter of time before Waverly realized just how much she didn't need me or want me, just how much I didn't deserve her. It was only a matter of time before reality caught up with her. Even if Waverly didn't realize that, it was only a matter of time before Wynonna found out, and I knew that if Wynonna found out, our friendship would be ruined. She would never trust me the same way again. She'd probably end up hating me for the rest of our lives. So, if this was all going to end horribly anyway, the best case scenario to this entire situation would probably be if Waverly ended things before it even really started. Sure, it would break my heart, it would shatter me more than anything else ever had, but if she broke things off, I could heal, or at least tape myself back together, in silence without Wynonna ever finding out.

I tried to shake those thoughts away, pulling on my skinny jeans and a black t-shirt. I was digging through my backpack, looking for a pair of socks, when I heard her soft knock on the door. I looked up, my heart skipping a beat at how beautiful she looked even in just a pair of jeans and a red sweater, her long hair twirled into a bun.

"Babe, you okay?"

My heart skipped a beat in my chest when she used that pet name. Her voice sounded concerned, and I wondered if my face was revealing everything I'd just been thinking. Wynonna could be oblivious. She was my closest friend, but she was hyper active and impulsive. She was never the one who knew when something was troubling me. Waverly had always been the Earp who worried about me, who saw through all of my lies or coverups and called me out on my bullshit.

"You look beautiful," I whispered, standing up after finding my socks.

She smiled, a soft blush covering her cheeks again. I kissed her forehead softly before moving to the edge of Wynonna's bed to put on my socks. Waverly must have noticed my deflection of her concern because her face still looked suspicious and concerned. Still, she didn't push, knowing that if and when I wanted to share, I would.

"I'll see you downstairs?"

"I'll be down in a minute," I smiled, watching her turn to head to the staircase.

\---

**Waverly's POV:**

I could tell something was bothering Nicole. She was quieter this morning, less lively and cheerful. I couldn't help but wonder if I'd done something to freak her out, if I'd said something last night and forgotten, if she hadn't liked that I'd absentmindedly let the word babe slip out. I wanted to push, to ask her what was wrong, but that wasn't how our relationship worked. Even as little kids, on the rare occasion that Nicole and I had private time alone, I never pushed her to tell me anything. We'd always been good a reading one another, but we'd always been patient enough to wait for the problems or concerns to surface.

"Waverly, how'd you sleep?" Gus asked from the stove. She was flipping some french toast in a pan on the stove.

"Okay, I guess. It was hard falling asleep, but once I did it was good."

"Me too. First night in a while I've actually slept through the night."

We stood in silence, me setting the table for the three of us and Gus continuing to cook.

"So, what's going on between you and Nicole?"

Gus looked at me with her hands on her hips, the last piece of toast simmering in the pan and the spatula clenched in her left hand.

"I don't know what you-"

"Yes you do. Don't act like I'm stupid," Gus cut me off.

"I'm not sure what's going on between us," I mumbled, wishing I had an answer to Gus' questions.

"I talked to her grandfather last night. It seems the two of you are smitten with one another. Can't say I'm surprised. Nicole's always looked at you like you're the only person in the room, and you've always hung on every word about her."

I looked up at her, smiling at her words but also feeling a soft pain in my heart.

"What's wrong?" Gus asked, clearly seeing the pain in my eyes.

"Nothing. I just- I just wish I knew with her. I wish it were straight forward." I could feel tears building up behind my eyes, and I knew most of it was probably just leftover grief and stress, not actual sorrow about the unofficial relationship or almost relationship I was in with Nicole. "I wish it were easy. I don't understand why everything can be easy with someone horrible like Champ but it has to be so difficult with someone I actually think I could l- someone I think I could care for."

"And what makes this so difficult?" Gus asked, flipping the last piece of toast and turning back to face me.

"You know what makes it difficult."

"Maybe I need reminding. I am getting old. Seems to me that this is easy. You both like each other. You share the same feelings, and that bruise on your neck certainly shows that you've both acted on your feelings for one another. What exactly is the problem?"

"This will kill Wynonna," I answered plainly.

"Wynonna is a grown woman. She can get over it. She loves both of you, and that means she'll be happy that the both of you are happy, even if that means you're together."

"I don't know. Nicole is her person. I can't take her away from her," I responded.

"Waverly, Nicole can be both of yours, and no offense to Nicole, but Wynonna's person is her baby sister, always has, always will be. You're it for her. You're her favorite person in the whole damn world. You know when your Daddy and Willa died, you used to cry and cry and cry through the night. I swear Curtis and I didn't get a wink of sleep for the first month you girls were here. But every night, without fail, when Curtis or I would go upstairs to check on you, Wynonna was by your side, holding you in her arms. You were and still are her whole world. You're all she's got left."

"That's the problem. She's all I have too, and I can't betray her or hurt her."

"You'd want her to be happy no matter what, right?"

"Of course," I sighed, knowing where Gus was going to take this argument.

"So would she. Give her the chance to be uncomfortable with this situation, but then give her the chance to be okay with it. She may be a little oblivious when if comes to the feelings you and Nicole share, but she loves you to pieces, and once she knows, she'll learn to accept the change."

I nodded, not wanting to talk about it anymore. The butterflies in my stomach were moving at a rapid pace. I carried the bowl of fruit to the table before setting some Nutella, maple syrup, and whipped cream on the Lazy Susan.

"Good morning," Nicole said, sounding more chipper than she had just a few minutes ago. Her face looked freshly washed, and her hair was combed back into a ponytail.

"Right on time, Nicole. French toast is ready to be eaten," Gus smiled, carrying the platter of french toast to the table.

"You made a lot of toast, Gus," I said as I reached for my first piece.

"Well, Wynonna's put me in the habit of cooking for an army, and I can't seem to turn that habit off."

Nicole and I both laughed, knowing very well that Wynonna could out eat and out drink any of us. We finished breakfast and helped Gus clean up. I brought both Nicole's bag and my bag downstairs and to the car while Nicole helped Gus put away some of the folding tables that we'd used during the funeral.

Before we left, I told Gus that I'd be back the next weekend to help out around the house. She pulled me into a huge hug, "You can tell her about how you feel. No need to be scared," Gus whispered mid hug.

I nodded against her shoulder, not sure exactly who she was talking about, Wynonna or Nicole. Nicole and I headed to the car, and if I thought this morning was awkward, the silence that filled the car was smothering. She reached across the console and took my hand after we drove for around 10 minutes.

"Nicole, what are we doing?" I asked, scared to hear her answer.

She glanced over to me, and I was confused by the look on her face. I'd expected Nicole to be her usual take charge self. I expected her to say something smooth or cocky, to send some sort of smirk in my direction. Instead, I looked at her and saw insecurity.

"What do you mean?" she asked, her voice slightly shaky and her hand tensing in mine.

I held onto her hand still and ran my other hand over her knuckles, hoping to calm her down as much as I could.

"I mean, clearly I like you."

Relief flitted across Nicole's features.

"I like you too," she sighed, letting go of my hand and turning on her blinker before pulling off of the highway and into a rest stop parking spot.

She parked the car and twisted in her seat to look at me fully.

"I really like you, Waves."

I smiled and took her hands back in mine.

"So what are we doing then?"

"I mean if we both like each other-"

"Because I don't know what it is you want from me or from any girl really. I mean I hear all kinds of things from Wynonna about you being a player or whatever, but I don't think I could really do this if I was just a one night fling for you. I totally respect that if that's what you're into. I just don't think I could have you once and never again because that sounds like absolute torture. And I know I'm probably not as experienced as all the other girls you've dated. That's not to say I'm not a fast learner, but I don't even know why I just said that because again I'm not really sure what you want from me and-"

Nicole pulled me toward her then and kissed me, slowly and with every ounce of feeling she could possibly use.

"Waves, you are not like every other girl. I don't want one night with you. I want it all, and I agree that having you once and never again would be absolute torture. Wynonna likes to really talk up the player aspect of everything, and sure I've been with a few women, but there's only one I've ever wanted to give myself to."

"Really?" I asked, somewhat breathless from the kiss as well as her words.

"Truly," she whispered before placing another kiss on my lips.

We grudgingly pulled away from the rest stop and headed back down the highway toward the Homestead. Wynonna texted me along the way, explaining that she would be back at the house the next day. She and Doc were taking a bit of a day trip with motorcycles and wouldn't be back until the next morning. Never in my life would I say I was a fan of motorcycles, but in that moment, I could have bowed down at the manufacturer's feet because it meant I'd get another night with Nicole. We pulled up to the Homestead, parking in the driveway behind my Jeep that Wynonna had driven back the day before. Nicole carried our bags in but hardly had time to drop them by the door before I pulled her down to kiss me, her hands wrapping around my body and mine tangling in her hair.

"Can we go upstairs now?" I asked.

She nodded slowly, that same insecurity in her eyes, only slightly hidden by her confident, dimpled smile. 


End file.
